Relationships Jokes 2

Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?Just when it's getting interesting they are finished until next time...
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A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, "What is your occupation?"The woman replies, "I'm a whore."The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that."The woman, "Ok, I'm a prostitute.""No, that is still too crude. Try again."They both think for a minute, then the woman states, "I'm a chicken farmer."The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?""Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year."
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A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening   the front door.   "Hurry!" she said, "Stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil   all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move   until I tell you to." she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."   "What's this, honey?" the husband asked as he entered the room. "Oh,   it's just a statue." she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one   for their bedroom. I liked the idea so much, I got one for us too." No   more was said about the "statue."   Around two in the morning, the husband got out of bed, went into the   kitchen, and returned with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here." he   said to the 'statue.' "Eat this. I stood like an idiot at the Smith's   for three days and nobody offered me so much as a glass of water."
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HOW TO SATISFY A WOMANCaress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, humor, stimulate, stroke, console, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch,entertain,sacrifice for, charm, fascinate, attend, trust, grovel, defend, coax, brag about, understand, clothe, respect, entertain, kill for, commit, snuggle, wow, dazzle, amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize, worship, and then go back, Jack, and do it again.HOW TO SATISFY A MANShow up naked ..... and bring beer.
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Alice was becoming frustrated by her husband's insistence that they   make   love in the dark. Hoping to free him of his inhibitions, she flipped   on her   reading lamp one passionate night -- only to find a cucumber in his   hand.   "Is THIS", she asked, pointing to the vegetable, "what you've been   using   on me for the last 5 years?" "Honey, let me explain..." "Why, you   sneaky   bastard!" she screamed. "You impotent son of a -" "Speaking of   sneaky,"   her husband coolly interjected, "maybe you'd like to explain our three   kids."
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