Relationships Jokes 4

A man suspected his wife was cheating on him, so when he left town, he hired a famous Chinese detective to investigate. A few days later he received this letter. Most Honorable Sir,You leave house,He come to house. He and she leave house,I follow. He and she go to hotel,I climb tree to see. He kiss she,she kiss he. He strip she,she strip he. I play with me,I fall out of tree,I not see. No fee,Chen Lee
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A nun is walking down a deserted road when a man grabs her and starts raping her. After the rapist is done, he says, "Hey Sister, what are you going to tell the other Sisters now?""I'll tell them the truth, that you grabbed me, threw me to the ground, and raped me twice....unless you're tired." she responded.
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Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly is calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Sadie says she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies, "Mama! I have someone for you to meet." Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills. And we know what that meant. One room and the normal follow up to that. Their first night there she undresses as he does. There she stood nude except for a pair of black lacy panties. He in his birthday suit. Looking at her he asks "Why the panties?"She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning," He knows he's not getting lucky that night. The following night the same scenario. She standing there with the black panties on and he in his birthday suit; except that he has an erection on which he has a black condom. She looks at him and asks, "What's with this... a black condom?"He replies, "I'm going to offer my condolences."
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What does a camera and a condom have in common?They both capture that magic moment.
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Finally, a definition of Marketing that makes sense....You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Telemarketing. You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations. You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, I hear you're fantastic in bed." That's Brand Recognition.
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Relationships Jokes 3

Once in a medieval times, there was a King who was getting sort of bored after dinner onenight. He decided to hold a contest of who at the court had the mightiest "weapon". Thefirst knight stood up and proclaimed that he had the mightiest weapon...he pulled down hispants and tied a 5 pound weight around it. The weapon doth rose. The crowds cheered...thewomen swooned...the children waved multi-colored banners...and the band played appropriatemusic.Another knight stood up and yelled that he had the mightiest weapon. He dropped his pantsand tied a 10 pound weight to himself. The weapon doth rose. The crowds cheered...thewomen swooned...the children waved multi-colored banners... and the band playedappropriate music.After several more knights tried to prove their superiority...the King finally spoke out."I have the mightiest weapon of them all!" He dropped his pants and tied, not a 10 pound,not a 20 pound, not ever a thirty pound, but a 40 pound weight to himself. The weapon dothrose. The crowds cheered...the women swooned...the children waved multi-colored banners...and the band played "God Save the Queen."
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A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane. The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose, and shudders quite violently in her seat. The man isn't sure why she is shuddering and goes back to reading. A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat. The man is becoming more and more curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders violently again. The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says, "Three times you've sneezed and three times you've taken a tissue and wiped your nose then shuddered violently! Are you sending me signals, or are you going crazy?"The woman replies, "I'm sorry if I disturbed you. I have a rare condition and when I sneeze, I have an orgasm."The man, now feeling a little embarrassed but even more curious says, "I've never heard of that before. What are you taking for it?"The woman looks at him and says, "Pepper."
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It was laying limp in my hand. It was very long, kind of thin. I slid it between my fingers until I got to the end of it. I was turning it on. It became firm in my hands, and the end was wet. Then it got very hard and began gushing out of the tip. Then I took the garden hose and watered the bushes.
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So one sperm says to the other "When do we get to the ovaries?"The other replies "Ovaries! We're not even past the throat yet!"
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Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F and Gare the letters used to define bra sizes?If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for... It is about time you became informed!{A} - Almost Boobs...{B} - Barely there.{C} - Can't Complain!{D} - Damn!{DD} - Double damn!{E} - Enormous!{G} - GEEEEzus Christ!{F} - Fake.
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PSJokes on Facebook

A Cardiologist died. According to his will, he was buried in a Heart shaped grave. One of the doctors Laughed at the grave. People asked, 'Why did you laugh at the heart shaped grave?" Doctor Replied, 'I am thinking about my grave. I am a Gynecologist':- 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Teacher: How can you make so many mistakes in just one day? Pupil: I get up early! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Seventy-two-year-old Edgar recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, the doctor said Edgar was doing "fairly well" for his age. A little concerned about that comment, Edgar couldn't resist asking the doctor, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?" The doctor asked, "Well, do you smoke or drink beer?" "Oh no," Edgar replied, "I've never done either." Then the doctor asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and bar-b-qued ribs?" Edgar said, "No, I've heard that all red meat is very unhealthful!" "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf?" the doctor asked. "No, I don't," Edgar replied. Then the doctor asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or run around with women?" "No," Edgar said, "I don't do any of those things." The good doctor looked at Edgar and said, "Then why the heck do you want to live to be 80?" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Click and Like the page for more▶️ #PRMPSmartJokes

PSJokes on Facebook

A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, "Give me your money." The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said "You cannot do this, I am a congressman!" The thief said, "In that case, give me my money!"🤣 🤣 ===========================================≠============ Teacher: If you spend all your time sitting round playing on the Internet, you'll be fat and useless when you grow up. Pupil: Wow! You must have spent hours surfing when you were a kid!😂😂 ===========================================≠============ A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children." The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children." The wife replied, "Well, I don't want THAT one back.🤣🤣😂 Click and Like the page for more▶️ #PRMPSmartJokes

Little Johnny Jokes 5

A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"  Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".  The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson.  "And you, Susie? " the teacher asks.  Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's bitch."
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Little Freddie said to Little Johnny, "My dad's tougher than your dad!""Oh yeah?" said Little Johnny, "My dad is so tough, he has lightbulbs for dinner!""Really?"Yeah, the other night I heard him tell my mom, 'Turn out the light, I wanna eat it!'"
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Little Johnny comes home from Sunday school with a black eye.   His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?"     "But Dad, it wasn't my fault.   We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt.   I reached over and pulled it out.   That's when she hit me!"       "Johnny," the father said.   "You don't do those kind of things to women."       Sure enough, the very next Sunday Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue.   Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!"       "But Dad," Johnny said, "It wasn't my fault.   There we were in church saying our prayers.   We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt.   Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out.   Now I know she doesn't like this, so I pushed it back in!"
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If you had a dollar, quizzed the teacher, and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?  One dollar. answered little Johnny.  You don't know your basic math. said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed.  Little Johnny shook his head too, You don't know my daddy.
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Little Johnny's class were on an outing to their local police station where they saw pictures, of the ten most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin board.   On the way out of the police station Little Johnny said to the officer, "It was so nice of you to put my daddy's picture up there."
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Little Johnny Jokes 4

Little Johnny wakes up and comes down to breakfast. Since he lived on a farm, his mother asked if he had done his chores."Not yet," replied little Johnny.His mother tells him he can't have any breakfast until he does his chores.Well, now he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow.He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal."How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks."Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon, either.I also saw you kick the cow, so you aren't getting any milk this morning."Just about then, his father comes down for breakfast, and he kicks the cat as he's walking into the kitchen.Little Johnny looks up at his mother with a smile, and says..."Are you going to tell him, or should I?
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One day Little Johnny came home from school and asked his mom what they were having for dinner.  She said that it was a surprise and him and his brother would have to guess what it is after they try it.  Well dinner time came and they started eating it,but they couldn't figure out what it was.  So Little Johnny asked his mom for a hint. She said,"Okay,Ill give you a hint.  I call your father this."Little Johnny said to his brother,"Quick Bobby, spit it out,its asshole!"
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During an English lesson, the teacher notices that a boy was not paying attention to him.   Teacher asks, "Johnny, join these two sentences together.   I was cycling to school.   I saw a dead body."   Little Johnny after thinking for a while says, "I saw a dead body cycling to school."
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Little Johnny 's next door neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny's parents were very afraid that their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby so the dad had a long talk with little Johnny before going to the neighbors. He said "Now, son... that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears or I am really going to spank you when we get back home.""I promise not to mention his ears at all" said Little Johnny. At the neighbors home, Little Johnny leaned over in the crib and touched the baby's hand He looked at it's mother and said "Oh What a Beautiful little baby". The mother said "Thank you very much, Little Johnny." He then said, "this baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why... just look at his pretty little eyes.... Did his doctor say that he can see good?" The Mother said "why, yes Johnny... his doctor said he has 20/20 vision. Little Johnny said "well, its a darn good thing, cause he sure couldn't wear glasses!!!
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A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers.  Salesman: "Can I see your dad?"  Johnny: "No, he's in the shower."  Salesman: "What about your mother? Can I see her?"  Johnny: "Nope. She's in the shower, too."  Salesman: "Do you think they'll be out soon?"  Johnny: "Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead."
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PSJokes on Facebook

Kenny, a city boy, moved to the country and purchased a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the following day. The next morning, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, son, but I have some bad news. The donkey died. "Well, just return my money to me," Kenny said. "Sorry, can't do that," said the farmer. "I already spent it." "OK then, just unload the donkey," said Kenny. "Whatcha gonna do with him?" asked the farmer. "I'm going to raffle him off," Kenny replied. "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" the farmer exclaimed. "Of course I can," replied Kenny. "Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead." A few weeks later, the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "So, what happened with the dead donkey?" "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00," explained Kenny. "Didn't anyone complain?" inquired the farmer. "Just the guy who won. So, I gave him his two dollars back," Kenny proudly replied.🤣🤣😂😂 ===========================================≠==============================≠==≠==≈============ There was a church that had a very big-busted organist. Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled while she played. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. One of the ladies approached her very discreetly and told her to mash up some green persimmons, (if you eat them they make you pucker, because they are so sour) and rub them on your breasts and maybe they would shrink in size. She agreed to try it. The following Sunday morning the minister got up on the pulpit and said: "Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol we will not hath a thermon tewday."😂😂😂 ===========================================≠==============================≠==≠==≈============ A man walked up to a farmer's house, and knocked on the door. When the farmer's wife opened the door, the man asked if she knew how to have sex. Not amused, she slammed the door. Again, the man knocked, and again, he asked the same question. Again, she slammed the door and screamed, "Get the hell away!" Later, she told her husband of the incident. He said he would stay home the following day just in case. Sure enough, the next day the same man returned. The husband hid with his gun while his wife answered the door. When she was asked again if she knew how to have sex she said, "Yes!" The man replied, "Great! Give some to your husband the next time you see him, and tell him to keep away from my wife!"😂😂😂 ===========================================≠==============================≠==≠==≈============ Click and Like the page ▶️ #PRMPSmartJokes