6. How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife? 7. If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive. 8. Top 3 situations that require witnesses: 1) Crimes; 2) Accidents; 3) Marriages; Need I say more? 9. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. 10. Strong people don't put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage. 🤣 🤣 🤣 😂 😂 😂 Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?" Student: "A drinking problem." 🤣 🤣 🤣 😂 😂 😂 Instead of "the John," I call my toilet "the Jim." That way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning. 🤣 🤣 🤣 😂 😂 😂 If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while. They're normally around 90 degrees. 🤣 🤣 🤣 😂 😂 😂 Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. 🤣 🤣 🤣 😂 😂 😂 Why is it that your nose runs, but your feet smell? 🤣 🤣 🤣 😂 😂 😂 If you understand the last joke, then give a like or comment

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What do jello and a woman have in common?They both wiggle when you eat them. You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. What am I?A Tent There were 2 old-maid sisters... both virgins. It's Friday night and Gladys looks at Betty and says, "I'm not going to die a virgin... I'm going out and I'm not coming home 'til I've been laid!!"Betty says, "Well, make sure you're home by 10 so I don't worry about you." 10 o'clock rolls around and there's no sign of Gladys... 11 o'clock...12 o'clock... Finally about 15 after 1 the front door flys open. In runs Gladys... straight to the bathroom. Betty goes and knocks on the door, "Are you okay, Gladys??" No answer, so she opens the door and there sits Gladys with her panties around her ankles, legs spread, and her head stuck between her legs looking at herself."What is it, Gladys??? What's wrong?" asks Betty."Betty, it was 10 inches long when it went in... and 5 when it came out. When I find the other half you're gonna have the time of your life!!!" For complete joke https://ift.tt/2GammgF

Just laugh on this one

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.

"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently."

"I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother!' ? It would make me feel so much better."

"Sure," answered the young man.

As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!"

As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.

"How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"

"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

A boy wanted to have sex with his girlfriend. But she was refusing all the time. So he went to see his friend and asked him what to do about it. His friend had a brilliant plan. He said: "Next time you meet her under the tree behind your home. I will be up in the tree waiting for you. If she refuses again you ask God in the heaven whether you can have sex with her or not. And I will give the right answer to you and her."

The days went by and one Saturday afternoon he met his girlfriend again. They both went to that tree and he asked her to have sex. She refused. So he said to her: "And, my dear, if I ask God in heaven, would you follow his advise?" "Yes, I would" she said. So he asked: "Father in heaven can I have sex with my girlfriend?" And the voice from heaven said: "OK my friend, go ahead!" And so they had sex the first time.

But the boy asked his friend to do him this favor every week, and he did. But the last time when he asked God in heaven, the father answered: "My dear friend below, step aside and let your father in heaven have a go!"

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Never before had Sue looked in the box that her husband kept under their bed. The box had been there for the past 20 years of their marriage but she had never invaded his privacy. One day, while cleaning, she decided to take a look in the box. She didn't figure it was anything he was hiding since she could have looked at it any other time but hadn't. In the box she found 3 eggs and 10 thousand dollars. This seemed very strange so she went to Fred and asked, "Why are there 3 eggs in a box under our bed?" He replied, "Well, every time I was unfaithful to you, I put an egg in the box." Sue was surprised and hurt that he had been unfaithful but she consoled herself with the fact that they had been married for over 20 years and he had only been unfaithful 3 times. "But where did the 10 thousand dollars come from?" she asked. "Well, every time I got a dozen, I sold it." 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home. When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork. "Who are you?" he asked. "I'm the Devil," she responded. "Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister." 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 #PRMPSmartJokes Like page and share. 🚮Visit for more Jokes ⏩ prmpsmartjokes.blogspot.com Telegram Channel ➡️ t.me/prmpsmartjokes Follow on twitter.com/prmpsmartjokes

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A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home. When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork. "Who are you?" he asked. "I'm the Devil," she responded. "Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister👰." 😂😂😂 The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello? I'm calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!" "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at the neighbors and leave. The phone rings at the neighbors house. Hey, Clifford, did the FBI come?" "Yep." "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep." "Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed." 🤣 🤣 🤣 😂 😂 😂 #PRMPSmartJokes Like page and share. 🚮Visit for more Jokes ⏩ prmpsmartjokes.blogspot.com

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MOTHER PIG: What did you learn in school today? FIRST PIGLET: Oink! Oink! SECOND PIGLET: Oink! Oink! THIRD PIGLET: Woof! Woof! MOTHER PIG: What? THIRD PIGLET: I'm taking a foreign language. 😂😂😂😂😂 Husband: Every time I hit you, you never fight back. How do you manage your anger? Wife: I clean the toilet seat. Husband: How does that help? Wife: I use your toothbrush! 😂😂😂😂😂 John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates." About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you did take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you did not take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner." Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you do sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom." 😂😂😂😂😂 Click and Like page for more▶️ #PRMPSmartJokes 🚮Visit for more Jokes ⏩ prmpsmartjokes.blogspot.com

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The difference between having guts and having balls! Guts is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?' Balls is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next.' #PRMPSmartJokes Like and share

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A beautiful blonde lady stepped onto a plane going to L.A. and sat down in first class. The flight attendant proceeded to go around the airplane checking the ticket stubs of each passenger to make sure they were all in the right seats. When she got to the Blonde woman she noticed that it was for Coach seating, not first class. She tells the woman, "You're ticket says coach ma'am and we have a full flight today. I'm going to have to ask you to move." To which the blonde replies, "You don't understand, I'm blonde, beautiful, I'm going to L.A. and I'm getting there in first class." Confused, the stewardess gets her supervisor. Again, she tells the woman that she must move. Again, the blonde replies, "You don't understand, I'm blonde, beautiful, I'm going to L.A. and I'm getting there in first class." Also confused, they go get the captain. He tells the woman that she must move. The blonde starts to say, "You don't understand, I'm blonde, beautiful..." when he interrupts and asks, "Can I whisper something in your ear?" "Sure" she replies and he proceeds to whisper something in her ear. Suddenly she gets up and goes back to coach seating with a look of surprise on her face. The flight attendants are startled. "How did you get her to move?" "I told her that first class wasn't going to L.A." 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Two Teenage boys were picked up for doing drugs. When they went to court, the judge said that he would like to give them a second chance. If they could work in the community and convince young people not to do drugs, they would avoid jail time. The two boys went to the community and did their work and returned to court the following month. The judge asked the first boy how he did and he told the judge that he convinced 30 people not to do drugs. The judge said, "That was great how did you do that?" The Boy told him, "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd boy) "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?" "Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them, 'This is your asshole before prison.'" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 A four-year-old boy asked his friend what a penis was. His friend's response was that he did not know and he would ask his dad. That evening the second boy asked his dad. His dad gladly exposed himself to his son and with his penis in hand said, "Son this is a penis. In fact, if you take a good look you will see this is a perfect penis." The next day the second five year old boy met the first five year old boy and called him behind a hedge. The boy exposed himself and said, "This is a penis. In fact, if it were three inches shorter it would be a perfect penis!" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Like page and share #PRMPSmartJokes

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President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon. "Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, "there's good news & bad news." "Oh, no," muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad news first." "The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures from another planet." "Gosh, and the good news?" "The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and pee oil." 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 A Engineer and an Programmer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Engineer leans over to the Programmer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Programmer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The Engineer persists and explains that the game is real easy and a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5." Again, the Programmer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The Engineer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50!" This catches the Programmer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The Engineer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The Programmer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the Engineer. Now, it's the Programmer's turn. He asks the Engineer "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?" The Engineer looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Air phone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers -- all to no avail. After about an hour, he wakes the Programmer and hands him $50. The Programmer politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep. The Engineer, more than a little miffed, shakes the Programmer and asks "Well, so what's the answer?" Without a word, the Programmer reaches into his wallet, hands the Engineer a $5 bill, and turns away to get back to sleep. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 They say that the new super computer knows everything. A skeptical man came and asked the computer, "Where is my father?" The computer bleeped for a short while, and then came back with "Your father is fishing in Michigan." The skeptical man said triumphantly, "You see? I knew this was nonsense. My father has been dead for twenty years." "No", replied the super computer immediately. "Your mother's husband has been dead for twenty years. Your father just landed a three pound out." 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Got this email from a friend: CanYouFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard? Click and Like the page for more▶️ #PRMPSmartJokes 🚮Visit for more Jokes ⏩ prmpsmartjokes.blogspot.com

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A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls the fire department on her cell phone. "Please state the nature of your emergency," says the operator. "Help! My house is on fire!" the blonde replies. "Okay, where do you live?" "In a house you silly billy!" the blonde replies. "No,no! How do we get there?" the operator asks frustratedly. "Duh! Big Red Truck!!" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Teacher : What are you doing, crawling into school ten minutes late? Pupil : Well you told me never to walk into school ten minutes late! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 A husband wanted to call the hospital to ask about his pregnant wife, but accidentally called the cricket stadium. He asks, "How's the situation?" He was shocked & nearly died on hearing the reply. They said, "It's fine. 3 are out, hope to get another 7." Please give us a like #PRMPSmartJokes

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A Cardiologist died. According to his will, he was buried in a Heart shaped grave. One of the doctors Laughed at the grave. People asked, 'Why did you laugh at the heart shaped grave?" Doctor Replied, 'I am thinking about my grave. I am a Gynecologist':- 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Teacher: How can you make so many mistakes in just one day? Pupil: I get up early! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Seventy-two-year-old Edgar recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, the doctor said Edgar was doing "fairly well" for his age. A little concerned about that comment, Edgar couldn't resist asking the doctor, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?" The doctor asked, "Well, do you smoke or drink beer?" "Oh no," Edgar replied, "I've never done either." Then the doctor asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and bar-b-qued ribs?" Edgar said, "No, I've heard that all red meat is very unhealthful!" "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf?" the doctor asked. "No, I don't," Edgar replied. Then the doctor asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or run around with women?" "No," Edgar said, "I don't do any of those things." The good doctor looked at Edgar and said, "Then why the heck do you want to live to be 80?" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Click and Like the page for more▶️ #PRMPSmartJokes

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A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, "Give me your money." The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said "You cannot do this, I am a congressman!" The thief said, "In that case, give me my money!"🤣 🤣 ===========================================≠============ Teacher: If you spend all your time sitting round playing on the Internet, you'll be fat and useless when you grow up. Pupil: Wow! You must have spent hours surfing when you were a kid!😂😂 ===========================================≠============ A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children." The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children." The wife replied, "Well, I don't want THAT one back.🤣🤣😂 Click and Like the page for more▶️ #PRMPSmartJokes

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Kenny, a city boy, moved to the country and purchased a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the following day. The next morning, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, son, but I have some bad news. The donkey died. "Well, just return my money to me," Kenny said. "Sorry, can't do that," said the farmer. "I already spent it." "OK then, just unload the donkey," said Kenny. "Whatcha gonna do with him?" asked the farmer. "I'm going to raffle him off," Kenny replied. "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" the farmer exclaimed. "Of course I can," replied Kenny. "Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead." A few weeks later, the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "So, what happened with the dead donkey?" "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00," explained Kenny. "Didn't anyone complain?" inquired the farmer. "Just the guy who won. So, I gave him his two dollars back," Kenny proudly replied.🤣🤣😂😂 ===========================================≠==============================≠==≠==≈============ There was a church that had a very big-busted organist. Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled while she played. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. One of the ladies approached her very discreetly and told her to mash up some green persimmons, (if you eat them they make you pucker, because they are so sour) and rub them on your breasts and maybe they would shrink in size. She agreed to try it. The following Sunday morning the minister got up on the pulpit and said: "Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol we will not hath a thermon tewday."😂😂😂 ===========================================≠==============================≠==≠==≈============ A man walked up to a farmer's house, and knocked on the door. When the farmer's wife opened the door, the man asked if she knew how to have sex. Not amused, she slammed the door. Again, the man knocked, and again, he asked the same question. Again, she slammed the door and screamed, "Get the hell away!" Later, she told her husband of the incident. He said he would stay home the following day just in case. Sure enough, the next day the same man returned. The husband hid with his gun while his wife answered the door. When she was asked again if she knew how to have sex she said, "Yes!" The man replied, "Great! Give some to your husband the next time you see him, and tell him to keep away from my wife!"😂😂😂 ===========================================≠==============================≠==≠==≈============ Click and Like the page ▶️ #PRMPSmartJokes

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Two teenagers wander off to the bushes during a softball game on the outskirts of town and start necking. After a while the boy stops. "You know we've been doing this for a few weeks now and I think it's time we went all the way," he pleads. "Well, maybe," she says, "But I'm a virgin and I heard it hurts. Besides all those people at the field may hear us." The boy stops and says, "Hmmm, well then if it hurts, start making cow sounds, and I'll stop. But if it feels good start singing. That way no one will ever guess what we're really doing." The girl agrees so they quickly take off their clothes and get down to business. Ten minutes later people watching the game hear sounds echoing through the quiet countryside so loudly that the teams stop playing. "Moooo ... Moooooo ... Moooooooon River ...!"😂😂😂 ===========================================≠==============================≠==≠==≈============ Men are like remote controls. Simple. Easy to use. And usually lying around a TV.😊😊😂 ===========================================≠==============================≠==≠==≈============ During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual offer. "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the clergyman the cash and walked away satisfied. The wedding day arrives, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the vicar looks the young man in the eye and says, "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?" The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes." The groom leaned toward the vicar and hissed, "I thought we had a deal." The vicar put the $100 into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."😂😂 #PRMPSmartJokes

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Dave was in a bar looking very dejected. His friend, Adam, walked over and asked, "What's wrong?" "It's my mother-in-law," Dave replied, while shaking his head sadly. "I have a real problem with her." "Cheer up," Adam said. "Everyone has problems with their mother-in-law." "Yeah, sure," Dave answered. "But not everybody gets theirs pregnant!" ===========================================≠==============================≠==≠==≈============ Junior had just received his brand new drivers license. To celebrate, the whole family trooped out to the driveway and climbed into the car for his inaugural drive. Dad immediately headed to the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. "I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," said the beaming boy to his old man. "Nope," came dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit back here and kick the back of your seat while you drive, just like you have been doing to me for sixteen years." ===========================================≠==============================≠==≠==≈============ A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, 'I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.' The rancher says, 'Okay, but do not go in that field over there,' as he points out the location. The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, 'Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.' Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. 'See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?' The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull! With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs! 'Your badge. Show him your BADGE!' ===========================================≠==============================≠==≠==≈============ Like this page please #PRMPSmartJokes

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Two women go out one weekend without their husbands. As they came back, just before dawn, both of them drunk, they felt the urge to pee. They noticed that the only place to stop was a cemetery. Scared and drunk, they stopped and decided to go there anyway. The first one did not have anything to blot herself with, so she took her panties off, used them and discarded them. The second, not finding anything either, thought "I'm not getting rid of my panties..." so she used the ribbon of a nearby flower wreath. The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone, and one says to the other: "We have to be on the look-out; it seems that these two were up to no good last night, my wife came home without her panties..." The other one responded: "You're lucky, mine came home with a card stuck to her butt that read, "We will never forget you."😂😂 ===========================================≠==============================≠==≠==≈============ 4-year-old boy was asked to give the meal blessing before Christmas dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food. He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip. Then he paused, and everyone waited--and waited. After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the green beans, won't he know that I'm lying?"😂😂 ===========================================≠==============================≠==≠==≈============ At a party, someone yelled: All married guys please stand next to one person who has made your life worth living. The bartender was almost crushed to death.😂😂 ===========================================≠==============================≠==≠==≈============ A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH : $2.50 HANDJOB: $10.00 Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive women serving drinks to a meager looking group of men. "Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?" "I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?" "Yes", she purrs, "I am." The man replies "Well wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."😂😂 ===========================================≠==============================≠==≠==≈============ Click and Like the page ▶️ #PRMPSmartJokes

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A policemen arrested a prostitute Gal: I'm a saleswoman not prostitute. Police: What are you selling. Gal:I"m selling condoms & offering a FREE DEMO👍 ===========================================≠==============================≠==≠==≈============ Then there's the woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his crotch. The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates." The woman replies, "Yes. Now, we're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we."😂😂 ===========================================≠==============================≠==≠==≈============ Three monks decided to practice meditation together. They sat by the side of a lake and closed their eyes in concentration. Then suddenly, the first one stood up and said, "I forgot my mat." He steeped miraculously onto the water in front of him and walked across the lake to their hut on the other side. When he returned, the second monk stood up and said, "I forgot to put my other underwear out to dry." He too walked calmly across the water and returned the same way. The third monk watched the first two carefully in what he decided must be the test of his own abilities. "Is your learning so superior to mine? I too can match any feat you two can perform," he declared loudly and rushed to the water's edge to walk across it. He promptly fell into the deep water. Undeterred, the yogi climbed out of the water and tried again, only to sink into the water. Yet again he climbed out and yet again he tried, each time sinking into the water. This went on for some time as the other two monks watched. After a while, the second monk turned to the first and said, "Do you think we should tell him where the stones are?"😂😂 ===========================================≠==============================≠==≠==≈============ An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. a constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most. "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished. He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life? The wife put down her drink and said..."let the old bastard dig. I had him buried upside down."😁 ===========================================≠==============================≠==≠==≈============ Click and Like the page ▶️ #PRMPSmartJokes Share and make more people happy... 👍 🚮Visit for more Jokes ⏩ prmpsmartjokes.blogspot.com

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Why is Facebook like Jail? "You have a profile picture, you sit around all day writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you dont really know!" 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account. 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 If you need Facebook to remind you its your wifes birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch. 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 Google+ is the gym of social networking. We all join, but nobody actually uses it. 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 Status I didnt fall down, I attacked the floor. 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 You're like a light switch, even a little kid can turn you on. 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, I'll say it was your stupidity. 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn. 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 Are you always an idiot, or just when I'm around? 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege! 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 Click and Like the page ▶️ #PRMPSmartJokes

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A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes - that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!" The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to." The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she! wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine." So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she replied......"I'd like a mild heart attack." Moral of the story: Women are clever bitches. ===========================================≠==============================≠==≠==≈============ The supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts. I intended to stock up. At the store, however, I was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so I complained to the butcher lady. "Don't worry," she said, "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping." Several aisles later, I heard the lady butcher's voice boom over the public-address system: "Will the gentleman who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store." ===========================================≠==============================≠==≠==≈============ A man went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a women patron. He turned to her and said, "This is a special day, I'm celebrating." "What a coincidence," said the woman, "I'm celebrating, too." She clinked glasses with him and asked, "What are you celebrating?" "I'm a chicken farmer," he replied. "For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile." "What a coincidence, the woman said. My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant! How did your chickens become fertile?" she asked. "I switched roosters," he replied. "What a coincidence," she said. ===========================================≠==============================≠==≠==≈============ Life Lesson A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.' The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there... #PRMPSMARTJOKES

PSJokes on Facebook

Shock me, say something intelligent. 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 You could make a fortune helping people loose weight, one look at you and they loose their appetite! 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 Your so ugly, when you were born your mom said "What a treasure" and your dad said "Yea lets go burry it"! 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 You must be the arithmetic man -- you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 You're so ugly they know what time you were born, because your face stopped the clock! 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 Please like my page #PRMPSmartJokes