Popular Jokes 18

My sister asked me to take off her clothes. So I took off her shirt. Then she said, “Take off my skirt.” So I took off her skirt. “Take off my shoes.” I took off her shoes. “Now take off my bra and panties.” So I took them off. Then she looked at me and said, “I don’t want to catch you wearing my things ever again.”
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It's Not Working

My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, "It's not working. I can't take it anymore. I am going to my Mum's place."I opened the fridge. The light came on. My orange juice was very cold. What the hell is she talking about?
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Endless Chain

Boss says to secretary, "We are travelling abroad for the week, so make arrangements."Secretary makes a call to her husband, "My boss and I will be travelling abroad for the week, so look after kids."Husband makes call to secret lover, "My wife is going abroad for the week, so let's spend the week together."Secret lover makes a call to a little boy whom she is giving private lessons, "I'm going to be busy throughout the week, so you need not come for classes."Little boy makes call to his grandfather, "Grandpa, I don't have classes for the week, because my teacher is going to be busy. Let's spend the week together."Grandpa makes a call to his Secretary, "I'm afraid we won't be travelling again. My grandson and I are going to spend the week together."Secretary makes a call to her husband, "My boss has some personal matters to attend to, so our trip is cancelled."Husband makes a call to secret lover, "We cannot spend the week together, my wife has cancelled her trip."Secret lover makes a call to little boy, "We will still have classes as usual this week."Little boy makes a call to his grandfather, "Grandpa! I'm sorry we won't be able to spend the week together. My teacher called and said that I have to attend classes."Grandpa makes a call to his secretary, "Change of plans! My grandson is no more coming. So we are still travelling this week. Make arrangements."How will the chain be broken?
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The phone call

a couple agreed that whenever they wanted to have s#x they'd say "let's make a phone call"one day the man sent his son to tell his mom while she was busy in the kitchen. Son: mom, daddy said you should come so he can make a phone call. Mom: go and tell your daddy that the network is busy. Dad: then tell her that i will go elsewhere to make the call. Mom : tell you daddy that if he does that, i will open a call center here!
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Two Tigers were resting under a tree..
Suddenly a RABBIT passed very fast
Tiger could not make out & asked
“What was that?” 2nd Tiger smiled and said:
.
.
.
.
Fast Food..xP :P
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Popular Jokes 17

Cheating Boyfriend

BOYFRIEND: I cheated.                 GIRLFRIEND: Damn you! I hate you and let me tell you too that I cheated on you with your best friend. I even slept with your brother!                BOYFRIEND: What?!                      GIRLFRIEND: Yea, you heard me right.              BOYFRIEND: I meant on my test you bitch!!!GIRLFRIEND: Oh!
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Two drunks are walking along.

One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night... look at the moon."

The other drunk stops and look at his drunk friend, "You are wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun."

They started arguing for a while when they came upon another drunk walking, so they stopped him.

"Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?"

The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here."

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Saw an ad in the newspaper : Need Accountant, 15000Rs – 20000Rs.
So I called and told them the answer is -5000Rs…
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Mother: "Are you talking back to me?!"
Son: "Well yeah, that's kinda how communication works."
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A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
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School Jokes 8

Teacher: “How can you prove the earth is round?”  Boy: “I can’t. Besides, I never said it was.”
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Teacher: "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"  Ramu: "The moon".  Teacher: "Why?"  Ramu: "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the  day time when we don't need it".
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Boy: The principal is so dumb!  Girl: Do you know who I am?  Boy: No...  Girl: I am the principals daughter!  Boy: Do you know who I am?  Girl: No...  Boy: Good! *walks away*
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Teacher: “If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?”  Boy: “Seven!”  Teacher: “No, listen carefully again.   If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?”  Boy: “Seven!”  Teacher: “Let’s try this another way.   If I give you two apples and two apples and another two apples, how many apples have you got?”  Boy: “Six.”  Teacher: “Good.   Now if I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?”  Boy: “Seven!”  Teacher: “How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?”  Boy: “I’ve already got one rabbit at home now!”
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Jimmy: Would you punish me for some thing I didn't do?  Teacher: no, of course not.  Jimmy: good, because I didn't do my homework.
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School Jokes 7

"Dad, can you help me find the lowest common denominator in this problem please?"  "Dont tell me that they havent found it yet, I remember looking for it when I was a boy!"
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Teacher: Name two days of the week that start with "t".  Pupil: Today and Tomorrow.
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Teacher: Ramu, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brothers.   Did u copy his?  Ramu: No, teacher, its the same dog!
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Teacher: "Sam, what is the outside of a tree called?"  Sam: "I don't know."  Teacher: "Bark, Sam, bark."  Sam: "Bow, wow, wow!"
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Teacher: Can anyone give me a sentence with a direct object?  Student: You are pretty.  Teacher: What’s the direct object?  Student: A good report card.
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School Jokes 6

Teacher: "I wished you would pay a little   attention."  Pupil: "I'm paying as little as I can!"
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Teacher: “You missed school yesterday, didn’t you?”
Boy: “Not a bit!”
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Teacher: Why are you late?  Ramu: Because of the sign.  Teacher: What sign?  Ramu: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
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A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students.   The teacher asked, “Harry what is your problem?”   Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!”  The teacher had had enough.     She took Harry to the principal’s office.  While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.   The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.   The teacher agreed.  Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.  Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”  Harry: “9″.  Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”  Harry: “36″.  And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know.   The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, “I think Harry can go to the third-grade.”  The teacher says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions?”  The principal and Harry both agree.  The teacher asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?”  Harry, after a moment, “Legs.”  Teacher: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”   The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!  Harry replied, “Pockets.”  Teacher: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”  Harry: “Pants”  Teacher: "What’s starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?"  Harry: Coconut  The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was taking charge.  Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"  Harry: "Bubblegum"  Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?"  The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.  Harry: "Shake hands"  Teacher: "Now I will ask some “Who am I sort of questions, okay?"  Harry: "Yep."  Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do."  Harry: "Tent"  Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first."  Principal was looking restless and bit tense.  Harry: "Wedding Ring"  Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good."  Harry: "Nose"  Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver."  Harry: "Arrow"  Teacher: "What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of excitement?"  Harry: "Firetruck"  The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, “Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I missed the last ten questions myself.”
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Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?  Pupil: Because it can’t sit down!  An ideal homework excuse  Teacher: Where is your homework?  Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren’t the best teacher in the school  Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?  Pupil: That’s not fair!  You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!
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Relationships Jokes 10

What's the definition of a real loser?A guy who has a wet dream and gets HIV.
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Why do bankers make great lovers? They know the penalty for early withdrawal.
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Good News, Bad News, Worse News II

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Worse: You're in them.
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Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
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Maria is a devout Catholic. She gets married and has 17 children. Then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 children by her next husband. Then he dies. A while later, she dies. At the funeral, the priest looks skyward and says, "At least they're finally together."A guy sitting in the front row says, "Excuse me Father, but do you mean her and her first husband, or her and her second husband?"The priest says, "I mean her legs."
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Relationships Jokes 9

After a wonderful night of love making, the young guy rolled over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the distance. Naturally, the guy began to worry."Is that your husband?" he inquired nervously."No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him."Your boyfriend then?" he asked."No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear."Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.Calmly, she answered, "That's me before the surgery."
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Good News, Bad News, Worse News IV Good: Your son's finally maturing Bad: He's involved with the woman next door Worse: So are you
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How do you clean a condom?Turn it inside out and shake the f*ck out of it!
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Q. Whats long, hard and full of semen??A. A submarine. Sent by Sam
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While attending a spelling session in school one day,The teacher asked if anyone could spell the word DUMB?Darla raises her hand and says "I can, I can"The teacher replies, "OK, go ahead Darla..."Darla replies..."D-U-M-B"The teacher replies, "very good", and "can you use that word in a sentence?"Darla replies, "Sure, Buckwheat is very DUMB."The teacher replies, "OK, well can anyone spell the word STUPID?"Again, Darla raises her hand, and the teacher replies, "OK, go ahead Darla."Darla replies, "S-T-U-P-I-D"The teacher replies "very good", and "can you use that word in a sentence?"Darla replies, "Sure, Buckwheat is very STUPID."The teacher replies, "OK, well lets continue, can anyone spell the word DICTATE?"No one raises their hand, so the teacher asks Buckwheat if he can spell the word DICTATE?Buckwheat replies, "Sure, D-I-C-T-A-T-E"The teacher replies, "very good Buckwheat," and "can you use that word in a sentence?"Buckwheat replies, "Sure I can." "I may be DUMB and I may be STUPID, but Darla says my DICTATE good."
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