Akpos Jokes 14

My Dear Country

Akpos went to the American Embassy for a student visa, and the process of his interview with the white lady went this way...WHITE LADY: What are you going to the USA for?AKPOS: To study.WHITE LADY: Which city, school and which course do you wish to study?AKPOS: Chicago, Economics and Statistics. These are my admission documents.WHITE LADY: But there are many Universities in Nigeria that offer this course and you still want to travel as far as USA to study the same course? why? I doubt your genuine intention and therefore cant give you the entry visa that you have applied for.AKPOS: (angry) Please give me back my passport let me get out of this place! What do you think is in USA that is not in Nigeria, what do you think that I will see in USA that we dont have in Nigeria here? Do you think that USA is in any way better than this country and if you think that USA is better than Nigeria, then why have you chosen to stay in Nigeria instead of your country America?WHITE LADY: (angry and passionate about her dear country stood up and said) Look Im gonna give you entry visa to USA so that you gonna travel to America and see what is in USA The difference between America and Nigeria. (she stamped the visa for Akpos).
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Smart Phone

A conversation between Akpos and Emeka:AKPOS: Emeka. Please, give me your phone, I want to call my girlfriend. I don't have credit in mine.EMEKA: (hands phone to Akpos) No problem, but be quick with the call. AKPOS: Thanks alot. (Akpos dials girlfriend's number, makes a quick phone call and then returns happy and excited)AKPOS: O boy, this your phone na correct phone oh, wetin be the name?EMEKA: Yes oh, na blackberry smart phone.AKPOS: Kai, no wonder dem dey call am 'smart phone'. The phone sabi no be small. Do you believe, when I typed and dialled my girlfriend's number on your phone, it showed the number as 'My love'. How did your phone know that I'm calling my girlfriend?One word for Akpos?
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Akpos Gets First Class

Akpos bursts into the house, "Daddy! My CGPA is 4.78!"The father is amazed and says "This calls for a party." The father takes Akpos on a ride around town to shopping malls and Eateries. He spends all he has including his Month end salary. The father thought to himself, "At least I celebrated my son's success even if I'm eventually broke."  When they got home, Akpos shows his result to his Father. His father looking stunned, angrily snares at his son, "WHAT IS THIS? I thought you said you had a First Class? But what I'm seeing  on your result is a Third Class!"Akpos, who is smiling sheepishly, suddenly shouts, "APRIL FOOL DAD!!!"What do you think will happen to Akpos?
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English Letter

Akpos is a varsity student. The Lecturer ordered him to write an apology letter showing why he didn't submit an assignment.Dear Lecturer,I'm sorry I could not do the homework on time because I was tired after watching television. Thank you.The Lecturer warns him to write a formal letter with formal English reflective of a varsity student lest he be punished.This is what Akpos wrote:Dear knowledge conduit,My sovereign persona is thoroughly apologetic for my sordid academic behavioural inactivity or academic hibernation as regards the assignment. Unfortunately, our smart Samsung HDTV was visually competitive in relation to the assignment, prompting me to fall prey to its seduction to the detriment of the assignment. Ultimately, my exhaustion directed my nocturnally loyal body to my bed thereby rendering me half dead albeit still breathing in the process.Best Regards.AkposWhat do you think of Akpos letter?
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In My Shoes

A teacher was testing her students' intelligent level..."I saw a snake on my way home. Assuming you were in my shoes, what will you do?" asks the teacher.JAMES: I will look for stick and kill it!"That's smart of you James." says the teacher."Robbers attacked me in my car and said, ''Your car keys or your life! Assuming you were in my shoes, what will you do?" asks the teacher again.JOY: I will give them the car keys and run for my life. Once there is life, there is hope."Wow! That's so wise of you Joy." says the teacher."I returned from work, opened my door and saw 50 million dollars on my bed. Assuming you were in my shoes, what will you do?" asks the teacher.AKPOS: I will bite your toes until you faint. I will then come out from your shoes and take all the money!TEACHER: Fool! You can't literally be inside my shoes. It's a figure of speech.AKPOS: You can't literally open your door and see 50 million dollars on your bed. That's a figure of speech.
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Go And Hide!

An old man saw the class teacher of his grandson, Akpos coming. Akpos had not gone to school for two days. This is what transpired between the grandfather and Akpos:

GRANDFATHER: Akpos, your teacher is coming! Go and hide! You have not been to school for two days.
AKPOS: I told him my grandfather is dead so I could not go to school. So you rather go and hide.

one word for Akpos?
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Are You Relaxing?

Akpos was enjoying the sun at the beach in Lekki when a lady came and asked him, "Are you relaxing?"Akpos replied, "No, I am Akpos."A man came and asked him the same question.Akpos replied, "No! No!... I'm Akpos!"Later on a little girl came and asked him same question again. Akpos became angry and decided to move away. While walking, he saw a guy sunbathing. He went up to him and asked, "Are you Relaxing?" The guy replied, "Yes, I am relaxing."Akpos hit him real hard on the face and screamed, "Where have you been?! Everybody has been asking of you?!"What do you think will happen to Akpos?
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Desperate Girl

At a table in a restaurant, Akpos and a Lady were having dinner: AKPOS: Baby, I love you, would you please marry me?LADY: (Stands up and suddenly slaps Akpos) I have waited more than nine years, I have prayed, fasted, sowed seeds, bought books and listened to tapes, even went out of my way to be nice to every male species of marriageable age! I took up new hobbies, watching football and play station. I went to DayStar, from DayStar, I went to House on the Rock, from House on the Rock, I went to Guiding Light Assembly, from there I went to Winners looking every where for you. l went from a size 14 to a size 10, so that when you see me you would love what you see. I left Lagos, went to Abuja, from Abuja I went to Port- Harcourt, then I went all the way to Kano. I joined hi-five, from hi-five to Facebook, then I joined twitter, I even had a blog on which I ranted, hoping you would show up! For where? I uploaded only my best pictures on Facebook, infact I took photo sessions to look my best, all for you! I attended all the weddings, whether the invitation was direct or indirect! The next place I was hoping to check was the moon, before you crawled out from the house directly next to mine! So it was you all this while? The neighbour I said hello to every morning? Were you trying to destroy my faith? You almost rendered my prayer life useless? What were you waiting for? What sign where you looking for? Do you want to kill me before you reveal yourself?!!! Now be a gentleman, get down on your knees and put that ring onmy finger!!!Akpos, totally stunned, replied: "I was only joking!"Akpos is right now in the hospital.
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Buy Biscuit

AKPOS: Dad, buy me biscuit when you are coming back from work. DAD: I will only buy you the biscuit if you can spell it. AKPOS: Ok then, buy me P.K.
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New Tablet

KWAME: I just bought a samsung galaxy tablet!AKPOS: Sorry bro, get well soon.
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