Popular Jokes 8

Crazy Nonsense

You got a babe's number and you used "chick" to store her name. Is her Mum a fowl?You bought suya for your woman, she ate everything while you just ate the onions. Are you a vegetarian?You are with your guy but  you are on your phone talking to different guys every five minutes, yet you claim you are not cheating on your guy. My sister, are you an MTN customer care agent?You ask a girl for what she wants, she tells you money and you are angry. Were you expecting her to say wisdom and understanding?You took your girlfriend to the club everyday, then you married her and you want her to stop going to the club. Were you expecting a miracle?  Your girlfriend dumps you for a rich man and you call her a GOLD DIGGER. but your sister did the same to another guy, yet you gave a testimony in Church saying, "Its the grace of God." You are an Hypocrite!Your babe got F9 parallel in WAEC, and she still asking you for Brazilian Hair of #150.000. Where does she want to fix the hair on?You have 8 tribal marks, stretch marks is scattered all ova your body yet you still want a tattoo. Are you a zebra?You are 6 feet tall, but you still wear 6 inches high heels shoe. Do you want to whisper to God?You are snapping in different type of cars, yet you expect your man to believe you are not cheating. Are you a mechanic?You gather different girls picture on your phone and yet you expect your girl to believe you are not cheating. Are you a digital photographer?He gave you an engagement ring for over five years, but he hasn't married you yet. My dear, are you the lord of the rings?You pay your babe's university school fees and yet you have not written JAMB. Are you part of the scholarshipboard?You are 18 years and your sugar daddy is 70 years old and you are calling him BABY. My sister, he should be your ANCESTOR!Your babe is licking ice cream and you're drinking pure water. Are you diabetic?You read all of this and yet you thumb it down? Are you Boko Haram?You can add other examples in the comment box below.
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Yesterday I thought about you all day.

I was at the Zoo.
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The Story of the Eye

Do you know the relationship between two eyes?They never see each other... BUT:1. They blink together2. They move together3. They cry together4. They see together5They sleep togetherThey share a very deep bonded relationship.However, when they see a pretty woman, one will blink and another will not.MORAL OF THE STORY: A pretty woman can break any relationship!
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Confessional Letters

TO MY DEAR WIFE,During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:54 times the sheets were clean 17 times it was too late 49 times you were too tired 20 times it was too hot 15 times you pretended to be asleep 22 times you had a headache 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby 16 times you said you were too sore 12 times it was the wrong time of the month 19 times you had to get up early 9 times you said you weren't in the mood7 times you were sunburned 6 times you were watching the late show 5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hair-do 3 times you said the neighbours would hear us 9 times you said your mother would hear usOf the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished, and one time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move.TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat 36 times you did not come home at all 21 times you didn't cum33 times you came too soon 19 times you went soft before you got in 38 times you worked too late 10 times you got cramps in your toes 29 times you had to get up early to play golf 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls4 times you got it stuck in your zipper 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running 2 times you had a splinter in your finger 20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day 6 times you came in your pyjamas while reading a dirty book 98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TVOf the times we did get together the reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?" The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.Who do you think is Right?
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Interviewer: There are 500
bricks on a plane. You drop one outside. How many are left? Applicant: That’s easy, 499 Interviewer: What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge? Applicant: Open the fridge.
Put the elephant in.
Close the fridge. Interviewer: What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge? Applicant: Open the fridge.
Take the elephant out.
Put the deer in.
Close the fridge. Interviewer: It’s lion’s birthday, all the animals are there except one, why? Applicant: Because the deer is in the fridge. Interviewer: How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles? Applicant: She just crosses it because the crocodiles are at the lion’s birthday. Interviewer: Last question. In the end the old lady still died.
Why? Applicant: Err….I guess she drowned? Interviewer: No! She was hit by the brick. You may leave now.
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No matter how high the sky is,
How deep the ocean is,
How strong the wind is,
How wide the river is,
I just want to tell YOU They’re none of YOUR BUSINESS!
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1999 Kids : I want my bed near Window
to see the moon&stars.
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2013 Kids : I want my bed near the
mobile charging slot..
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From Mon to Sun, From Jan To Dec,
From birth till my death,
my feelings 4 u have never changed.
For me, you’ve always been
……….a headache!
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Why girls live longer than boys???? ..
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Scientific studies have proved that ..
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“SHOPPING”
never causes HEART ATTACKS, but, .
..
“PAYING the “BILLS” does
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Man 1 : I Got Married Bcoz I Was Tired Of Cooking, Cleaning Home n Washing Clothes Man 2: Amazing, I Got Divorce For The Same Reason… ;->
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