Akpos Jokes 19

Terrible Prayers

Akpos' pastor added him on Facebook and he innocently accepted. Two minutes later, a message came in:PASTOR: How are you?AKPOS: I'm fine, pastor.PASTOR: May the building of heavenly favour collapse on your head.AKPOS: (No reply).PASTOR: May the thunder of blessing strike you and your family.AKPOS: (No reply).PASTOR: May God slash you with the axe of life.AKPOS: (no reply).PASTOR: May God stab you with the knife of riches.AKPOS: (no reply).PASTOR: May you be sentenced to life imprisonment in the eternal jail of success.AKPOS: (No reply).PASTOR: May the World Trade Centre of happiness collapse on you and your family.AKPOS: (No reply).PASTOR: Are you there?AKPOS: Yes, pastor.PASTOR: You should be saying amen to claim the Blessings.AKPOS: OK. May the over-speeding trailer of blessings jam and crush you and your family. May the earthquake of happiness swallow you and your family members. May the sea of miracles drown you and your family members in Jesus' name.PASTOR: (No reply).AKPOS: You should be saying  amen to claim these prayers pastor. PASTOR: May thunder fire you! Idiot!
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True Love

AKPOS: Baby, even though I don't have a well furnished duplex in Victoria Island like John, 2015 Range Rover Sport like John, and even if I'm not working in Chevron Oil Company like John, I love you with all my heart! That's the best thing I can give you. GIRL: (sobs, moves close to Akpos and whispers in his ear) If you truly love me, introduce me to John.
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Akpos and the Science Teacher

A new science teacher walks into the classroom. Akpos asks the new teacher "Excuse ma, if you mix Omo and Klin, will there be foam?"Teacher responds "Yes of course, why ask such a silly question at the beginning of the year, are you going to pass this class at all?"Akpos laughs and whispers to the other kids, "such a dumb teacher, how can you get foam without adding water, are we going to learn anything at all from this teacher?"
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Garri Bag

Akpos goes up to the Cotonou border on his bicycle. He had over his shoulders two large bags. The Customs Officer stopped him and asked, "What is inside the bags?""Garri", Akpos replied. The Customs Officer said, "Let me see. Come down from the bicycle." The Customs Officer took the bags and ripped them apart. He emptied them out and found nothing in them but garri. He detained Akpos overnight and had the garri analysed, only to discover that there was nothing but pure garri inside the bags. The Customs Officer released him, puts the garri into new bags, lifted them onto Akpos' shoulders, and lets him cross the border. A week later, the same thing happened. The Customs Officer asked, "What do you have there today?" Akpos replied, "Garri." The Customs officer does his thorough examination and discovered that the bags contain nothing but garri. He gave the garri back to Akpos, and Akpos crossed the border on his bicycle. This sequence of events was repeated everyday for four years. At last, Akpos did not show up again. One day, the Custom Officer met him in a drinking joint in Cotonou."Hey, my friend," said the Customs Officer, "I know you are smuggling something. It is driving me crazy. It's all I think about, I can't sleep. Just between you and I, what are you smuggling?" Akpos sipped his Hi-Malt and replied, "Bicycles!"
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Child Custody

Akpos and his wife were in court for divorce, the problem is who gets custody for the child! The wife jumps up and says, "Your honour, I brought the child into this world in pains and labour, he should be in my custody. "The judge turns to Akpos and asked what he has to say. AKPOS: (calmly) Your honour, if i put my ATM card into an ATM machine and cash comes out, whose cash is it? THE MACHINE OR MINE?"
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