Popular Jokes 6

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:

* Compliment her
* cuddle her
* kiss her
* caress her
* love her
* stroke her
* tease her
* comfort her
* protect her
* hug her
* hold her
* spend money on her
* wine & dine her
* buy things for her
* listen to her
* care for her
* stand by her
* support her
* go to the ends of the earth for her....

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:

* Show up naked.
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Mirror Girl

The best way to kill a lady is to buy her a golden watch, expensive clothes, bangles, shoes, make ups and trousers then lock her up in a room without a mirror.
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Best Job Ever

I asked a friend of mine what he is doing. He told me, he is working on, "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum and steel under a constrained environment".

I was impressed! On further asking, I learnt that he was washing dishes with hot water... under his wife's supervision!
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National Lottery Draw

A pastor was praying for a demon-possessed man. He shouted, "In the name of Jesus, what do you want from this Man?! Speak! Before I cast you out into the lake of fire! The demon in the man said, "I want him to win the National Lottery Draw worth 200million naira tonight." The pastor subtly lowered the microphone and whispered, "Get out of him and enter into me."
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A man walks into a pet shop and says to the owner. "Ok I want to buy a pet, but I don't want a boring normal pet, no cats, or dogs or budgies I want something different." The pet shop owner informs him that he has a talking centipede. "really?" Says the man "How much?" The owner informs him that the talking centipede is ??50. Happy with the unusual offering the man pays the money and takes his new pet home.

On getting home he lays the match box with the centipede in it on the table, opens it and says "Hello mr centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?" The centipede says nothing. Figuring it must be tired from the journey he decides to leave it for an hour and try again later.

An hour later he opens the match box and says "Hello mr centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?" The centipede again says nothing. Starting to get suspicious the man decides he will give it one more hour, and if the centipede doesn't talk he will take it back to the shop for a refund.

An hour later the man opens the match box and says "Hello mr centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?" The centipede says "I heard you the first time you moron! I'm putting my shoes on!"
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