Popular Jokes 7

Annual Physical

70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back

with normal results. Dr. Smith said, "George, everything looks great physically.

How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and

do you have a good relationship with your God?"

George replied, "God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's

fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom

(poof!) the light goes on when I pee, and then (poof!) the light goes off when

I'm done."

"Wow," commented Dr. Smith, "that's incredible!"

A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. "Thelma," he said,

"George is just fine. Physically he's great. But I had to call because I'm in

awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night

and (poof!) the light goes on in the bathroom, and then (poof!) the light goes

off?"

Thelma exclaimed, "That old fool! He's peeing in the refrigerator

again!"
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I'm Finished

The real meaning of I'm finished is when at night you lock the door to kill a snake and then electricity goes off...
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Blind Man's Sucker Punch

A husband and his wife were waiting at the bus stop with their 8 children. A blind man joins them a few minutes later. When the bus arrived, they found it to be overloaded and only the wife and kids were able to fit. The husband and the blind man decide to walk, the blind man's cane tapping the ground.After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick and says, Why don't you put a piece of RUBBER at the end of your STICK? The ticking sound is driving me crazy! The blind man replies, If you had put a RUBBER at the end of your STICK, we would be sitting in the bus right now.
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Chased by a Lion

TEACHER: If a lion is chasing you, what would you do?STUDENT: I'd jump over the wall.TEACHER: If the lion jumps over as well?STUDENT: I'd climb a tree.TEACHER: If the lion climbs the tree?STUDENT: I will jump into the lake and swim.TEACHER: If the lion also jumps into the water and swims after you?STUDENT: Sir, are you on my side or on the lion's?
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Whoever Says
‘Money Can’t Buy Happiness’
Is A Fool … Money Can Surely Buy Happiness … Give Me Some
And
Watch Me Smile… =P ;)
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Cowboy

A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber began to lather his face and sharpen the old straight edge while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes.

The cowboy said,
"Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room."

She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that.

The cowboy said, "Tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you the difference."

She said, "You tell him. He is the one shaving you."

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Differences Between You and Your Boss

When you take a long time, you're slow.

When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.

When you don't do it, you're lazy.

When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.

When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.

When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.

When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.

When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.

When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.

When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.
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Dress Code

Employed by the human-development center of a corporation in the Midwest, a woman trained employees in proper dress codes and etiquette.

One day as she was stepping onto the elevator, a man, casually dressed in jeans and a golf shirt got on the elevator with her.

Thinking of her responsibilities, she scolded the man,

"Dressed a little casually today, aren't we?"

The man replied, "That's one benefit of owning the company....".
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Medical Advice

Good medical advice from the Jewish sages of old:1. F***ing once a week is good for your health, but it's harmful if done every day.2. F***ing relaxes your mind and body.3. F***ing refreshes you.4. After F***ing, don't eat too much; go for more liquids.5. Try f***ing in bed because it can save you valuable energy.6. F***ing can even reduce your cholesterol levels.So remember, FASTING is good for your health and may God cleanse your dirty mind!
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What is a Verb

TEACHER: What is a Verb?

CHIKE: A Verb is a valve found in bicycle tyre.

TEACHER: What are you saying?

CHIKE: It is a complete sentence sir.

TEACHER: Are you mad?

CHIKE: It is a question sir.

TEACHER: Don't be stupid.

CHIKE: It is an advice sir.

TEACHER: Stop that nonsense.

CHIKE: It is a command sir.

TEACHER: You're an idiot.

CHIKE: It is an insult sir.

TEACHER: Get out of my class.

CHIKE: It is an order sir.

TEACHER: Oh! Goodness, What a boy!

CHIKE: It is an exclamation sir.

TEACHER: May God have mercy on you.

CHIKE: It is a prayer sir
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