Akpos Jokes 23

Computer Assistant

Akpos called a Computer Assistant on phone to complain and this conversation took place...
COMPUTER ASSISTANT: May I help you?
AKPOS: Yes, I am having trouble with WordPerfect.
COMPUTER ASSISTANT: What sort of trouble?
AKPOS: I was just typing along and all of a sudden the words went away.
COMPUTER ASSISTANT: Went away?AKPOS: They disappeared.
COMPUTER ASSISTANT: Hmm, so what does your screen look like now?
AKPOS: Nothing.
COMPUTER ASSISTANT: Can you see the C prompt on the screen?A
KPOS: What is the C prompt?
COMPUTER ASSISTANT: Never mind. Can you move the cursor around the screen?
AKPOS: There isn't any cursor. It won't accept anything I type.COMPUTER ASSISTANT: Does your monitor have a power indicator?
AKPOS: What is a monitor?COMPUTER ASSISTANT: It is the thing with the screen on it that looks like a T.V. Does it have a little light that tells you when it is switched on?
AKPOS: I don't know.
COMPUTER ASSISTANT: Well then, just look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?AKPOS: No, it's too dark in here.
COMPUTER ASSISTANT: Dark?
AKPOS: Yes, my room's light is off, so the only light I have is what is coming from my window.
COMPUTER ASSISTANT: Well, you had better turn on your room's light then.
AKPOS: I can't.
COMPUTER ASSISTANT: Why?AKPOS: Because there is no light.
COMPUTER ASSISTANT: No light? Okay, do you still have the boxes, manuals and packing stuff that the computer came in?
AKPOS: Yes, I kept them in my cupboard.
COMPUTER ASSISTANT: That is good. Go and get them and unplug your computer and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.
AKPOS: Really? Is it that bad?
COMPUTER ASSISTANT: Yes, I'm afraid it is.
AKPOS: Well, alright then what do I tell them?COMPUTER ASSISTANT: Tell them, you are too stupid to own a computer.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Akpos hates his maths teacher

AKPOS: I don't like my maths teacher.
MUM: Why?
AKPOS: He is confused!
MUM: How?
AKPOS: Day before yesterday, he said 5 + 4 = 9, yesterday he said 3 + 6 = 9 and today he said 2 + 7 = 9
MUM: Can you imagine...I told your dad I never liked that school!

One word for the both of them
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

I Love Your Wife

Akpos came home early from office. He was shocked to see his wife with his friend, Thambo. He told his wife to get out of the room. Then he said, "Thambo, what are you doing here?" Thambo replied "I love your wife and she loves me too." To this, Akpos said, "I know she loves me not you." After a long conversation, they decided, "We'll hold our guns and fire at each other and pretend to be dead, she will mourn who she loves most." The wife hears the gunshots, she enters d room, shocked and surprised. Suddenly she started laughing loudly, rejoicing and shouting, "Ochuko! Get out of that wardrobe, these two idiots are dead!"
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Mummy's Boy

MUM: Akpos, why are you crying? AKPOS: I've hurt my finger. MUM: When? AKPOS: Half an hour ago. MUM: I didn't hear you crying then. AKPOS: No, I thought you were out.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Bad Comparison

TEACHER: You are a failure! At your age, Bill Gates already built his first computer software. AKPOS : Mind you Sir, at your age Adolf Hitler committed Suicide.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Akpos Jokes 22

Opposite of Original

TEACHER: What is the opposite of good?LINDA: BadTEACHER: Correct! (Looking at Akpos) You, what is the opposite of original?AKPOS: China...
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

A Barking Dog Never Bites

Akpos goes over to see his neighbour who has a very ferocious-looking dog. As Akpos approaches the door, the dog begins to bark wildly and his neighbour says to him, "Come on in, Akpos! Don't be afraid of my dog. You know the old proverb: A barking dog never bites." "Yes," replied Akpos, "I know the proverb, and you know the proverb, but does your dog know it?"
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

3 New Words

TEACHER: Go home and find three new words or phrases and bring them to me tomorrow. Akpos goes home and asks his mother while she is on the phone. AKPOS: Mum, class teacher gave me an assignment to find three new words or phrases. Can you help me with it?MUM: (feeling irritated) Shut up!AKPOS: Thanks mum. Akpos passes by the living room when he hears his big brother yell, "Superman!". He takes it as his second word. As night approaches, Akpos takes a walk, he passes in front of a classy restaurant, then he hears a man say, "Ladies first". He takes it as his third word/phrase. Akpos goes to school the next day and the teacher asks what his words are...AKPOS: Shut up!TEACHER: Who do you think you are...?AKPOS: Superman!TEACHER: Let's go to the headteacher's office now!AKPOS: Ladies first.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Killer Son

AKPOS: Dad, do you remember that day I killed a butterfly and you said no butter for a month?DAD: Yeah. AKPOS: Dad do you also remember that day I killed a honey bee and You said no Honey for a month?DAD: Yeah. AKPOS: Well, mummy just killed A cockroach, what should I tell her?
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Somersaulted Car

A woman giving a testimony on how she survived an accident claimed that the car somersaulted 17 times. Akpos who was who in the congregation stood up and said; 
AKPOS: Madam, so of all things to do, you were busy counting how many times the car somersaulted?
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Akpos Jokes 21

Big Testicles

Akpos had testicles the size of fully grown apples, so when he heard about a competition in the USA for the man with the world's largest testicles he decide to sell all his property so that he can buy an air ticket and go and participate in the competition. He flew to the United States and when he got there, he found the competition had ended. So he approached one of the participants who was crying, and this is how the conversation went. AKPOS: Why are you crying sir?  MAN: I lost! I thought I was going to win.AKPOS: (he looked at the man's testicles) You lost and your testicles are as big as fully grown watermelons, who won then?MAN: (pointing) That man over there. AKPOS: You mean that guy on a hill? MAN: That's not a hill, those are his testicles!  Akpos Fainted!
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

ATM Money

Akpos was passing by a bank and noticed quite a lot of people queuing up at the ATM wall. He joined them and when it was his turn to use the ATM, he withdrew all his money, then walks into the same bank and deposits the same money he withdrew, telling the Teller, "My money is not safe outside there in the ATM. People are just withdrawing anyhow and they may end up withdrawing my money. Keep my money inside the bank please!"
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Corruption Free

TEACHER: I assume that Nigeria will one day be corruption free. What tense is it?AKPOS: Future Impossible Tense!
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Akpos Finds America

TEACHER: Akpos, go to the map and find North America. AKPOS: Here it is!TEACHER: Correct! Now class, who discovered America?CLASS: AKPOS!!!
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Examination Text

And that was how Akpos entered into the JAMB examination hall with his phone. Waiting patiently for the message that contains the expo (examination answers). He hasn't written anything, but was busy eating his biro. He waited till 10 minutes to the end of exam before the message (expo) he was waiting for came in. Smiling, he opened the message. Guess what he sees: "To Download "Ladi" (ABACHA) By Phyno And Olamide ft. Lil kesh, Reply 1 to 4900 for N50 only (powered by Mtn).Akpos fainted immediately!.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

Akpos Jokes 20

Crocodile Spelling

TEACHER: Akpos, how do you spell "crocodile"? AKPOS: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"TEACHER: No, that's wrong.AKPOS: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Everybody Down!

Akpos went to rob a city bank."Everybody down!" Akpos shouted.Everyone laid flat on the ground. "Where is the bank manager?" He asked. A young fearful man stood up and said, "Here I am."Akpos: Open the safe and bring out all d money.MANAGER: (stammering) No,I can't sir.Akpos; What?! Are you crazy?! You are lucky I'm with a toy gun, I would have blown your brains off!...Akpos is currently receiving treatment at the prison hospital.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Missing Purse

Akpos returns a missing purse to the owner in a market. The lady was so grateful but when she looked inside, she got confused and said, "But I had just a single note of a thousand naira, now there are ten notes of one hundred naira, how come?" Akpos said, "I changed it, because the last time I helped someone to find her purse, she said she would have given me some money but there is no change available."
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Job Recruitment

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new CEO for Microsoft Europe. Five thousand candidates assembled in a large room.One of the candidate is Akpos. Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asked those who do not know Java program to leave. Two thousand candidates leave the room. Akpos says to himself, "I do not know Java but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try."Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave. Two thousand leave the room. Akpos says to himself, "I've never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What will be the worse thing that can happen?" So he stays.Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave. Five hundred people leave the room. Akpos says to himself, "I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?" So he stays in the room.Lastly, Bill gates asked the candidates who do not speak German to leave. Four hundred and ninety-eight candidates leave the room. Akpos says to himself, "I do not speak one word of German but what do I have to lose? So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate.Everyone else has gone. Bill Gates joined them and said, "Apparently, you are the only two candidates who speak German, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language."Calmly, Akpos turns to the other candidate and says, "Omo, na wa o!"  The other candidate answers, "Omo, Wetin we go do o."
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Stolen Sugar

Akpos enters a Spar Store to buy himself orange juice and sugar. He paid for the juice and walked out with the sugar under his arm , unpaid. He was arrested and locked up. During the court hearing, the judge asked him why he only paid for the juice and stole the sugar.Akpos replied, "I did not steal the sugar! At the back of the juice bottle was written, "SUGAR FREE!". You think I'm stupid or what?"
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Akpos Jokes 19

Terrible Prayers

Akpos' pastor added him on Facebook and he innocently accepted. Two minutes later, a message came in:PASTOR: How are you?AKPOS: I'm fine, pastor.PASTOR: May the building of heavenly favour collapse on your head.AKPOS: (No reply).PASTOR: May the thunder of blessing strike you and your family.AKPOS: (No reply).PASTOR: May God slash you with the axe of life.AKPOS: (no reply).PASTOR: May God stab you with the knife of riches.AKPOS: (no reply).PASTOR: May you be sentenced to life imprisonment in the eternal jail of success.AKPOS: (No reply).PASTOR: May the World Trade Centre of happiness collapse on you and your family.AKPOS: (No reply).PASTOR: Are you there?AKPOS: Yes, pastor.PASTOR: You should be saying amen to claim the Blessings.AKPOS: OK. May the over-speeding trailer of blessings jam and crush you and your family. May the earthquake of happiness swallow you and your family members. May the sea of miracles drown you and your family members in Jesus' name.PASTOR: (No reply).AKPOS: You should be saying  amen to claim these prayers pastor. PASTOR: May thunder fire you! Idiot!
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

True Love

AKPOS: Baby, even though I don't have a well furnished duplex in Victoria Island like John, 2015 Range Rover Sport like John, and even if I'm not working in Chevron Oil Company like John, I love you with all my heart! That's the best thing I can give you. GIRL: (sobs, moves close to Akpos and whispers in his ear) If you truly love me, introduce me to John.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Akpos and the Science Teacher

A new science teacher walks into the classroom. Akpos asks the new teacher "Excuse ma, if you mix Omo and Klin, will there be foam?"Teacher responds "Yes of course, why ask such a silly question at the beginning of the year, are you going to pass this class at all?"Akpos laughs and whispers to the other kids, "such a dumb teacher, how can you get foam without adding water, are we going to learn anything at all from this teacher?"
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Garri Bag

Akpos goes up to the Cotonou border on his bicycle. He had over his shoulders two large bags. The Customs Officer stopped him and asked, "What is inside the bags?""Garri", Akpos replied. The Customs Officer said, "Let me see. Come down from the bicycle." The Customs Officer took the bags and ripped them apart. He emptied them out and found nothing in them but garri. He detained Akpos overnight and had the garri analysed, only to discover that there was nothing but pure garri inside the bags. The Customs Officer released him, puts the garri into new bags, lifted them onto Akpos' shoulders, and lets him cross the border. A week later, the same thing happened. The Customs Officer asked, "What do you have there today?" Akpos replied, "Garri." The Customs officer does his thorough examination and discovered that the bags contain nothing but garri. He gave the garri back to Akpos, and Akpos crossed the border on his bicycle. This sequence of events was repeated everyday for four years. At last, Akpos did not show up again. One day, the Custom Officer met him in a drinking joint in Cotonou."Hey, my friend," said the Customs Officer, "I know you are smuggling something. It is driving me crazy. It's all I think about, I can't sleep. Just between you and I, what are you smuggling?" Akpos sipped his Hi-Malt and replied, "Bicycles!"
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Child Custody

Akpos and his wife were in court for divorce, the problem is who gets custody for the child! The wife jumps up and says, "Your honour, I brought the child into this world in pains and labour, he should be in my custody. "The judge turns to Akpos and asked what he has to say. AKPOS: (calmly) Your honour, if i put my ATM card into an ATM machine and cash comes out, whose cash is it? THE MACHINE OR MINE?"
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Akpos Jokes 18

The Solution

TEACHER: What's the difference between pollution and solution?                            AKPOS: When a politician drowns in water, that's pollution. But when they all drown, that's solution.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Naked Eyes

In a biology class, the teacher asked a question... TEACHER: Microorganisms can't be seen with our two naked eyes but with what?AKPOS: With our two dressed eyes.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Everybody Will Die

A pastor was preaching about death to his congregation. He said, "One day, every member of this church is going to die!" Akpos, who sat in the front row laughed at the excessively at the pastor. The pastor repeated it. "I said, one day, every member of this church is going to die!" Again the boy laughed out loud. The irritated pastor asked Akpos, "Son, what's so funny about that?"The boy said, "I'm not a member of this church!"
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Akpos in Big Trouble

Akpos goes to a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Hello, could you give me a condom? I'm going to my girlfriend's place for dinner and I think I may be in with a chance!" The pharmacist gives him the condom. As he was going out he turns and says, "Give me another condom, my girlfriend's sister is very cute too, she always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me, I think I may strike luck there too." The pharmacist gives him a second condom. As he was leaving, he again turns back and says, "Give me one more condom, my girlfriend's mom is still pretty cute. When she sees me, she always makes eye contact and since she invited me for dinner, I think she is expecting me to make a move." During dinner, Akpos sat with his girlfriend on the left, the sister on his right and the mum facing him. When the girlfriend's Dad walks in, Akpos lowers his head and starts the dinner prayer. "Dear Lord, bless this dinner and thank you for all you've given us........." 10 minutes after, Akpos was still praying, "Thank you Lord for your kindness." Another ten minutes goes by and he is still praying, keeping his head down, very close to the table. They all looked at each other surprised, his girlfriend even more shocked than the others. She gets close to him and whispers, "I didn't know you're so religious." Akpos replies, "I never knew your dad was a pharmacist!".Now if you were Akpos, what would you do?
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Akpos' Final Exam.

Akpos was taking his final exam at Police College in Kano. Here is one of the questions:"You are on patrol in the outskirts of Kano when an explosion occurs in the township.On investigation you find a large hole has been blown in the footpath and there is an overturned van lying nearby. Inside the van there is a strong smell of alcohol. Both occupants a man and woman are injured.You recognize the woman as the wife of your Divisional Inspector, who is at present away on a Peace Making Mission In Sudan.A passing motorist stops to offer you assistance and you realize that he is a man who is wanted for armed robbery.Suddenly a man runs out of a nearby house, shouting that his wife is expecting a baby and that the shock of the explosion has made the birth imminent.Another man is crying for help, having been blown into an adjacent Canal by the explosion, and he cannot swim.Describe in a few words what action you would take?"Akpos thought for a moment, picked up his pen, and wrote: "I would take off my uniform and mingle with the crowd, do you want to turn me to a mad man?"
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Akpos Jokes 17

What Are Friends For?

Akpos and Ochuko were drinking palm wine together. Ochuko said, "Akpos, I have a confession to make."Akpos asked, "What is it?" Ochuko said, "Last week, I slept with your wife. I am sorry." Akpos shouted, "You slept with my wife?!" Ochuko said, "Please forgive me."Akpos cooled down and said, "What are friends for? I forgive you." The following week, Ochuko was furious that someone had harvested all his crops in his farmland. During their drinking time in the evening, Akpos said to Ochuko, "Ochuko, I have a confession to make." Ochuko asked, "What is it?" Akpos said, "I was the one who harvested all your crops. I am very sorry I did that." Ochuko, after getting angry, said, "What are friends for? I forgive you." Two weeks later, they were drinking palm wine together when Ochuko said to Akpos, "Akpos, I have a confession to make." Akpos asked, "What is it?" Ochuko said, "I poisoned your drink because I was angry with you. Please forgive me.Akpos said, "So you poisoned my drink? Anyway what are friends for? I forgive you. I also have a confession tomake." Ochuko asked, "What is it?" Akpos said, "I am sorry! I exchanged our drinks. Please forgive me!"
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Blood Test

Akpos met Kwame crying at the entrance of the hospital. The following conversation ensued:AKPOS: Kwame, why are you crying?KWAME: I came for a blood test and they cut my finger for it.Suddenly Akpos started crying...KWAME: (wipes his tears) Akpos, why are you crying?AKPOS: I came here for a urine test.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Who Slapped The President?

The President of Nigeria, his Deputy, Mr Akpos and a former Miss World, Agbani Darego were travelling in a train.The train suddenly goes through a tunnel and it got completely dark. Suddenly there was a kissing sound and then a slap! The train came out of the tunnel. The deputy and Akpos were sitting down looking perplexed. The President was bent over holding his face, which was red from an apparent slap. All of them remained diplomatic and nobody said anything.The Deputy was thinking; "These men are all crazily after Agbani Darego. The President must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him."Agbani Darego was thinking: "The President must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Akpos instead and got slapped."The President was thinking; "Damn it, Akpos must have tried to kiss Agbani Darego and she thought it was me and slapped me."Akpos was thinking; "If this train goes through another tunnel, I would make another kissing sound and slap the President again."
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

What Should I Send?

A girl was passing by and saw her boyfriend, Akpos standing by the ATM. She immediately hid and sent a romantic text to him, "Honey if you are sleeping right now, send me your dreams. Ifyou are laughing, send me your laughter. If you are eating, send me some food. If you are crying, send me your tears. If you are withdrawing from the ATM, send me some money."Akpos replies, "I'm in the toilet what should I send?"
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

See Correct Children

Akpos?? father accompanied him to his school graduation awards party. As they sat watching amidst loud ovations, the beneficiaries were called to the podium for their awards. The following conversation ensued:ANNOUNCER: Best student in sciences; the winner is Kwame.FATHER: (applauds and eyes Akpos scornfully) See correct children!ANNOUNCER: Best student in commercial studies; the winner is Kemi.FATHER: (hisses and eyes Akpos again) See correct children!ANNOUNCER: Best student in Arts; the winner is Helen.FATHER: (fuming with anger) See correct children!And so, all the awards were presented without any going to Akpos. At the end of the event, they left and went to the car park but as his dad got ready to start the car, the engine refused to respond. He opened the bonnet and touched a few things but his efforts did not yield any response, so they resorted to pushing it. Just as they got to the exit of the school, the rickety car sparked up. Exhausted and profusely sweating, Akpos rested on the gate just as his mates were driving off with their parents in Hummer, Sequia, Infinity, Escalade, Bentley, Lincoln Navigator, Range Rover and other exotic cars. All of a sudden, Akpos burst into laughter.His puzzled father asked, "What??s so funny?"Amidst teary eyes, Akpos responded, "SEE CORRECT FATHERS!"
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Akpos Jokes 16

Weweechu

Akpos and his Girlfriend were taking a romantic walk down the beach one cold night. Akpos grabbed the girl's hands, drew her closer to himself, kissed her and said, "Baby, you know I love you so much. There's no one here. Its just the two of us, let's do 'WEWEECHU'." The girl looked around and said, "My love, I don't want to do 'WEWEECHU' please. Let's just hold hands and cuddle." Akpos agreed. After a while, Akpos asked her again, "Oh baby, my love, please Let's do 'WEWEECHU'!" The girl replied, "Baby, don't rush me. I don't want to do it. I just want to be wrapped in your arms." Akpos calmed down.After a long while, Akpos couldn't hold it any longer. He said, "My heartbeat, it's not fair oh! Let's do 'WEWEECHU' na! We haven't done it since last year oh! Let's do it now now." The girl reluctantly agreed. Akpos immediately grabbed her closer to himself, hugged her tightly, brought out the guitar strapped to his back and they both start singing, "WEWEECHU A MERRY CHRISTMAS! WEWEECHU A MERRY CHRISTMAS! WEWEECHU A MERRY CHRISTMAS! AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!"Got you didn't I?! Dirty minds! What were you thinking 'WEWEECHU was?
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Best Interview

Akpos is a footballer who plays for one of the leading clubs in the world. His team-mates advised him to prepare answers in advance for post-match interviews because his English isnt that good. They had a few mock interviews, and told him to answer exactly the same way during the live interviews because they usually ask the same questions. But it backfired spectacularly, as this never-before-seen interview shows.REPORTER: Akpos, firstly, I hear that your wife is pregnant. Thats fantastic news, Congratulations!AKPOS: Yes, thank you. All credits goes to my teammates. Everyone worked hard for it, especially Emake Chiguoze. It was a tight situation when he came in, but his performance was great, with the help from Taiwo Ogunsanya, who looked like he was really enjoying himself. Special thanks to Kwame Adjo for finding space from impossibly tight angles. And not forgetting George Abbey, who showed lots of energy when everyone was tired.The reporter fainted!
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

War Story

During an English lesson, the teacher instructed his students to write a composition.Question: Assume you are in a war, write a story on your experience?Akpos did not write anything and kept seated. The teacher got puzzled, walked to Akpos' desk and asked him why he was not doing the exercise.Akpos replied, "I was killed immediately at the beginning of the war."
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Sexy Sister-in-Law

Akpos had a girlfriend who was stunningly attractive, and his girlfriend had a sister who was more attractive. Just a day before their wedding, Akpos visited his girlfriend, he saw no one but his girlfriend's sister. While checking the wedding invitation together, She suddenly said to Akpos, "Come and keep me company." while slowly undressing.  She continued, I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me. Akpos was stunned and frozen in shock as he watched her go up the stairs. He stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. Akpos opened the door, and headed straight towards his car. Lo and behold, his entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!With tears in his eyes, his father-in-law hugged him and said, We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family. Akpos thought, "Thank God I forgot the condoms in the car."
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Akpors and The Police.

POLICE: Knock knock!

AKPORS: Who is knocking?

POLICE: Police.

AKPORS: What do you want?

POLICE: to talk.

AKPORS: How many are you?

POLICE: We are two.

AKPORS: Then talk to each other!
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Chemistry class

TEACHER: Class, what is the chemical symbol for Sodium?AKPOS: Na sir.TEACHER: What is the chemical symbol for Barium?AKPOS: Ba sir.TEACHER: What will you get if one atom of Ba is added to two atoms of Na?AKPOS: Banana sir
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Future Tense

TEACHER: "I killed a person", convert it to future tense.AKPOS: The future tense is, "You will go to jail".
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

The Frog

A biology teacher draws a frog on the board:
TEACHER: Who can tell me what I just drew on the board? AKPOS: (raises his hand and stood up) You sir!Akpos has been expelled from school.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Who Is A Pharmacist?

One day, Akpos was in class when the teacher walked in. After teaching for sometime, the teacher decided to make the class an interactive one. Here's what ensued...TEACHER: Who is a pharmacist?Only Akpos raised up his hand.TEACHER: Is it only Akpos who's in this class?Still there was nobody else to answer the question except Akpos.TEACHER: Ok Akpos, answer the question. But before you do, take this cane and beat everybody in the class with it.Akpos, filled with happiness, did as his teacher said and beat all his classmates with the cane in his hands.TEACHER: Now you can answer the question Akpors. Tell these dumb studentswho a pharmacist is.AKPOS: A pharmacist is a farmer who assist people.The teacher fainted!
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Jews in Nigeria

Akpos friend, Kwame who is from Ghana, asks Akpos if they have any Jews living in Nigeria. Akpos replies, "Definitely! We have orange jews, apple jews, grape jews... etc
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Akpos Jokes 15

Examples of Lines

Akpos keeps being punished in school for several reasons but he just won't change. The stubborn boy was in class one day when the following drama took place...TEACHER: Children, give me examples of lines that I have taught you.KWAME: Vertical lines.TEACHER: Very good, another one.MERCY: Horizontal line.TEACHER: Impressive, any other person?(Akpos from the back raised his hand up)TEACHER: Great, Akpos tell us.AKPOS: CAROLINE
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Blessed Are Those That See

A Reverend father was praying over the offering in church. Akpos opened his eyes and saw the father taking five thousand naira out of the bowl.  The father saw that Akpos caught him red-handed.So he said "Amen. Blessed are those who see and remain quiet.'' Akpos replied "For they shall receive their share, Halleluyah!"
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Two Babies

Akpos' wife was pregnant and the following conversation ensued:  WIFE: Darling, guess what? AKPOS: What?WIFE: I went for the scan today and the scan revealed that I'm pregnant with a set of twins.AKPOS: Really? Two babies?WIFE: (excited) Yes!AKPOS: So who is the father of the second child?
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Mathematics Riddle

In an International Mathematics competition...How do you write 4 in between 5?
CHINESE: Is this a Joke?
JAPANESE: Impossible!
AMERICAN: The question is wrong.
BRITON: Not found on the Internet.
AKPOS:  F(IV)E.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Exam promise

Akpos read from cover to cover preparing for  his entrance examination. His father came to his room and saw him reading.FATHER: Akpos, make sure you pass that exam otherwise just forget that I'm your father!AKPOS: Sure thing dad, I'm bound to bring smiles to your face.5 HOURS LATER...FATHER: So my son, how was your exam? I'm sure u passed it excellently... AKPOS: Sorry excuse me, do I know you?
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Advanced Questions

One day, Akpos who was in primary three, approached his teacher. Akpos said, "Mam, I should be in primary four, Im smarter than my sister and shes in the primary four."The Mam (Teacher) had heard enough of his complaints and took Akpos to the Principals office. She explained everything to the Principal who decided to test Akpos with some questions that a primary four pupil should know.PRINCIPAL: Whats 3 + 3?AKPOS: 6!PRINCIPAL: 6 + 6?AKPOS: 12!And so on...The Principal asked the boy many questions and Akpos got them right. The Principal then asked Mam to send Akpos to primary four. Mam decided to ask some more questions and the Principal agreed.MAM: What does a cow have four of, that Ive only two of?AKPOS: Legs!MAM: Whats in your pants that you have but I dont have?AKPOS: Pockets!MAM: What starts with a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?AKPOS: Coconut!MAM: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?The principals eyes open really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge.AKPOS: Bubble Gum!MAM: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do. What am I?AKPOS: Tent!The principal was looking restless.MAM: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when youre bored. The best man always has me first and what am I?AKPOS: Wedding Ring!MAM: I come in many sizes. When Im not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good?AKPOS: Nose!MAM: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver?AKPOS: Arrow!MAM: What starts with F and ends with a K and if you dont get it, you have to use your hand?AKPOS:Fork!MAM: Whats it that all men have, its longer in some men than others, the Pope doesnt use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?AKPOS: Surname!MAM: What part of the man has no bone, but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumping and is responsible for making love?AKPOS: Heart!The principal heaved a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Send Akpos to the University! I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

No Nose

TEACHER: What do you call someone with no body and a nose?
AKPOS: Nobody Knows...
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Real Movie

A movie director needed an extra to act a scene which involves depicting a gateman. So they offered Akpos, who was incidentally the gateman at the house they were filming, to play the role. The director gave Akpos a cutlass and told him to give a pretence chase behind the main actor who was playing the role of a thief. The director said to Akpos, When you hear action, start chasing this guy with the cutlass. Do you understand? Akpos nodded in affirmation. Immediately the Director shouted Action, Akpos did exactly as he was told and started chasing the other actor round the compound. As the actor was about to scale the fence, the director screamed, Cut! Cut! Cut!" The actor is presently recuperating in the hospital.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Escape From Yaba Left

Akpos escaped from Yaba Psychiatric Hospital. When he got home, he called the Psychiatric Hospital on phone and asked; "Is there any one in Room eight at Ward one?" The Receptionist on phone replied; "Just a minute sir hold on let me check." A while later the Receptionist came back on the phone and said; "There is no one sir." Akpos exclaimed; "Wow! Okay my dear." The Receptionist said; "But why did you ask sir?." Akpos replied; "I want to be sure that I've escaped."
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

No One Knows Tomorrow

During a CRK class...TEACHER: No one knows tomorrow except ________?(Akpos raised his hands)TEACHER: Okay Akpos, tell us, who knows tomorrow?AKPOS: Sir, me!TEACHER: (surprised) And what's tomorrow? AKPOS: Tomorrow is Wednesday.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Akpos Jokes 13

Who Died?

PRINCIPAL: Why were you absent yesterday? AKPOS: I attended a burial ma. PRINCIPAL: Hmm! That will not stop me from punishing you today. Now answer me... Who died? AKPOS: The first son of the cousin of my grand-mother's youngest nephew who is also the youngest step-brother to the woman who gave birth to my uncle's youngest step-son and he was also... PRINCIPAL: Alright! Alright! Please! That's enough! Just go to the Class!
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

The Customer Is Always Right

The following conversation ensued between Akpos and his boss:BOSS: Akpos, I saw you arguing with the customer that just left. I have told you before that the customer is always right. Do you understand me?AKPOS: Yes sir! The customer is always right.BOSS: So what were you arguing about? AKPOS: He said you are a moron and an idiot, sir!
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Faithful

KWAME: I don't know why people find it difficult to be faithful to their spouses and partners.                                   AKPOS: I can't even imagine it. I have never cheated on my six girlfriends.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Bible or Iphone

PASTOR: If your bible and your Iphone is falling, which one will you catch first?AKPOS: My Iphone. Because the word of God cannot be broken.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

HIV Test

Akpos went for HIV test in a hospital on Friday and was told to come back on Monday for the result.When he got to church on Sunday, the pastor declared to the people that, ''Everything you are looking forward to this week shall be positive!''Akpos jumped to his feet and shouted, ''I reject it in Jesus name! My own go be Negative ooooo!"
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Bad Assignment

Akpos submitted his English Composition assignment to his class teacher...TEACHER: Your assignment is the worst in the class. It's not only ungrammatical, it's rude and in bad taste. I'm going to send your father a note about it.AKPOS: I don't think that would help ma. He wrote it.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Triplet

Akpos who just received a message that his wife has given birth, ran happily to the hospital and the following conversation took place between him and the doctor...DOCTOR: Congratulation sir, your wife has just given birth to Triplet.  AKPOS: Thanks doctor but why did you and my wife name the baby without my consent?
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Dead Cat

The teacher asked Akpos, "Why is your cat at school today Akpos?" Akpos replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Akpos leaves for school today!'"
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Parachute Landing.

AKPOS: Buy this parachute and land safely On the ground during emergency.CUSTOMER: What if the parachute doesn't open when needed?AKPOS: You will get your money back whenever I See you.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

The Desert

Akpos is right back from school, tired and hungry:MOTHER: Akpos, you are back? AKPOS: Yes mum.MOTHER: What were you taught in school today?AKPOS: Agriculture.MOTHER: Which topic?AKPOS: The Desert!MOTHER: What is a desert?AKPOS: A desert is a barren area of land where plants or grasses hardly grow on.MOTHER: Good boy. Give an example?AKPOS: Dad's Head.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Akpos Jokes 14

My Dear Country

Akpos went to the American Embassy for a student visa, and the process of his interview with the white lady went this way...WHITE LADY: What are you going to the USA for?AKPOS: To study.WHITE LADY: Which city, school and which course do you wish to study?AKPOS: Chicago, Economics and Statistics. These are my admission documents.WHITE LADY: But there are many Universities in Nigeria that offer this course and you still want to travel as far as USA to study the same course? why? I doubt your genuine intention and therefore cant give you the entry visa that you have applied for.AKPOS: (angry) Please give me back my passport let me get out of this place! What do you think is in USA that is not in Nigeria, what do you think that I will see in USA that we dont have in Nigeria here? Do you think that USA is in any way better than this country and if you think that USA is better than Nigeria, then why have you chosen to stay in Nigeria instead of your country America?WHITE LADY: (angry and passionate about her dear country stood up and said) Look Im gonna give you entry visa to USA so that you gonna travel to America and see what is in USA The difference between America and Nigeria. (she stamped the visa for Akpos).
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Smart Phone

A conversation between Akpos and Emeka:AKPOS: Emeka. Please, give me your phone, I want to call my girlfriend. I don't have credit in mine.EMEKA: (hands phone to Akpos) No problem, but be quick with the call. AKPOS: Thanks alot. (Akpos dials girlfriend's number, makes a quick phone call and then returns happy and excited)AKPOS: O boy, this your phone na correct phone oh, wetin be the name?EMEKA: Yes oh, na blackberry smart phone.AKPOS: Kai, no wonder dem dey call am 'smart phone'. The phone sabi no be small. Do you believe, when I typed and dialled my girlfriend's number on your phone, it showed the number as 'My love'. How did your phone know that I'm calling my girlfriend?One word for Akpos?
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Akpos Gets First Class

Akpos bursts into the house, "Daddy! My CGPA is 4.78!"The father is amazed and says "This calls for a party." The father takes Akpos on a ride around town to shopping malls and Eateries. He spends all he has including his Month end salary. The father thought to himself, "At least I celebrated my son's success even if I'm eventually broke."  When they got home, Akpos shows his result to his Father. His father looking stunned, angrily snares at his son, "WHAT IS THIS? I thought you said you had a First Class? But what I'm seeing  on your result is a Third Class!"Akpos, who is smiling sheepishly, suddenly shouts, "APRIL FOOL DAD!!!"What do you think will happen to Akpos?
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

English Letter

Akpos is a varsity student. The Lecturer ordered him to write an apology letter showing why he didn't submit an assignment.Dear Lecturer,I'm sorry I could not do the homework on time because I was tired after watching television. Thank you.The Lecturer warns him to write a formal letter with formal English reflective of a varsity student lest he be punished.This is what Akpos wrote:Dear knowledge conduit,My sovereign persona is thoroughly apologetic for my sordid academic behavioural inactivity or academic hibernation as regards the assignment. Unfortunately, our smart Samsung HDTV was visually competitive in relation to the assignment, prompting me to fall prey to its seduction to the detriment of the assignment. Ultimately, my exhaustion directed my nocturnally loyal body to my bed thereby rendering me half dead albeit still breathing in the process.Best Regards.AkposWhat do you think of Akpos letter?
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

In My Shoes

A teacher was testing her students' intelligent level..."I saw a snake on my way home. Assuming you were in my shoes, what will you do?" asks the teacher.JAMES: I will look for stick and kill it!"That's smart of you James." says the teacher."Robbers attacked me in my car and said, ''Your car keys or your life! Assuming you were in my shoes, what will you do?" asks the teacher again.JOY: I will give them the car keys and run for my life. Once there is life, there is hope."Wow! That's so wise of you Joy." says the teacher."I returned from work, opened my door and saw 50 million dollars on my bed. Assuming you were in my shoes, what will you do?" asks the teacher.AKPOS: I will bite your toes until you faint. I will then come out from your shoes and take all the money!TEACHER: Fool! You can't literally be inside my shoes. It's a figure of speech.AKPOS: You can't literally open your door and see 50 million dollars on your bed. That's a figure of speech.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Go And Hide!

An old man saw the class teacher of his grandson, Akpos coming. Akpos had not gone to school for two days. This is what transpired between the grandfather and Akpos:

GRANDFATHER: Akpos, your teacher is coming! Go and hide! You have not been to school for two days.
AKPOS: I told him my grandfather is dead so I could not go to school. So you rather go and hide.

one word for Akpos?
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Are You Relaxing?

Akpos was enjoying the sun at the beach in Lekki when a lady came and asked him, "Are you relaxing?"Akpos replied, "No, I am Akpos."A man came and asked him the same question.Akpos replied, "No! No!... I'm Akpos!"Later on a little girl came and asked him same question again. Akpos became angry and decided to move away. While walking, he saw a guy sunbathing. He went up to him and asked, "Are you Relaxing?" The guy replied, "Yes, I am relaxing."Akpos hit him real hard on the face and screamed, "Where have you been?! Everybody has been asking of you?!"What do you think will happen to Akpos?
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Desperate Girl

At a table in a restaurant, Akpos and a Lady were having dinner: AKPOS: Baby, I love you, would you please marry me?LADY: (Stands up and suddenly slaps Akpos) I have waited more than nine years, I have prayed, fasted, sowed seeds, bought books and listened to tapes, even went out of my way to be nice to every male species of marriageable age! I took up new hobbies, watching football and play station. I went to DayStar, from DayStar, I went to House on the Rock, from House on the Rock, I went to Guiding Light Assembly, from there I went to Winners looking every where for you. l went from a size 14 to a size 10, so that when you see me you would love what you see. I left Lagos, went to Abuja, from Abuja I went to Port- Harcourt, then I went all the way to Kano. I joined hi-five, from hi-five to Facebook, then I joined twitter, I even had a blog on which I ranted, hoping you would show up! For where? I uploaded only my best pictures on Facebook, infact I took photo sessions to look my best, all for you! I attended all the weddings, whether the invitation was direct or indirect! The next place I was hoping to check was the moon, before you crawled out from the house directly next to mine! So it was you all this while? The neighbour I said hello to every morning? Were you trying to destroy my faith? You almost rendered my prayer life useless? What were you waiting for? What sign where you looking for? Do you want to kill me before you reveal yourself?!!! Now be a gentleman, get down on your knees and put that ring onmy finger!!!Akpos, totally stunned, replied: "I was only joking!"Akpos is right now in the hospital.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Buy Biscuit

AKPOS: Dad, buy me biscuit when you are coming back from work. DAD: I will only buy you the biscuit if you can spell it. AKPOS: Ok then, buy me P.K.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

New Tablet

KWAME: I just bought a samsung galaxy tablet!AKPOS: Sorry bro, get well soon.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Akpos Jokes 12

Thunder Sound

In a science class...TEACHER: Who can tell us why we always see the lightening first before we hear the sound of the thunder later?AKPOS: Because our eyes are in front of our ears.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Marriage Conditions

GIRL: When we get married, I want you to stop smoking. AKPOS: Ok! GIRL: I will also want you to stop drinking too. AKPOS: Ok! GIRL: As well as stop going to the night club too. AKPOS: Yes. GIRL: You should stop watching soccer matches with your boys also AKPOS: Okay! GIRL: What else can you quit? AKPOS: The idea of marrying you.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Akpos' Landlord

This brief conversation ensued between Akpos and his landlord...LANDLORD: (knocks at Akpos door)AKPOS: (Opens the door)LANDLORD: Hey man, I'm looking for my house rent?AKPOS: You can come in let's look for it together.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Family Problems

Akpos and Kwame met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. Kwame kept complaining about his family problems. Finally, Akpos said to Kwame, "You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation:  "A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter. We got married and I got myself a stepdaughter. Later, my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter, my step mother. And my father became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law. Much later, the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son. But he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grandson. That made me the grandfather of my half-brother. This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the grandmother. This makes my father, the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife, I am my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I am my OWN GRANDFATHER!"
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

English Language Class

One boring Monday morning, Mr. Akpos, our English teacher entered the class and addressed us. He started; "Lets show the principal and our guest how much we have learnt so far this year. Lets do some comparatives. So I say small, you say small, smaller, smallest and on and on like that."We all nodded, looking very tired.MR. AKPOS: BigCLASS: (All chorused) Big, bigger ,biggestMR. AKPOS: CleanCLASS: Clean, cleaner, cleanestMR AKPOS: Tall CLASS: Tall, taller, tallestMR AKPOS: (Smiling) Very goodCLASS: Very good, very gooder, very goodestMR. AKPOS: Oh gosh!CLASS: Oh gosh, oh gosher, oh goshestMR. AKPOS: Stop it now!CLASS: Stop it now, stop it nower, stop it nowestMR AKPOS: Oh please!CLASS: Oh please, oh pleaser, oh pleasestMR. AKPOS: Look at me!CLASS: Look at me, look at me-er, look at me-estMR. AKPOS: What a disgrace!CLASS: What a disgrace, what a disgracer, what a disgracestMr. Akpos furiously left the class.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Questionaire

Nawa for all these rich people. Akpos went to see a friend from a very rich family. The maid approached Akpos and asked: MAID: What would you like to have; fruit juice, yoghurt, tea, chocolate, cappuccino , frapuccino or coffee?AKPOS: Tea please.MAID: Ceylon tea, Indian tea, herbal tea, kericho gold tea, bush tea or green tea?AKPOS: Ceylon tea please. MAID: How do you want it; black or white?AKPOS: White.MAID: Milk or fresh cream?AKPOS: With milk.MAID: Goat milk or cow milk?AKPOS: Cow milk.MAID: Freeze-land cow or Afrikaner cow?AKPOS: (Thinking), let me have freeze-land cow.MAID: Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?AKPOS: Sugar.MAID: Bee sugar or cane sugar?AKPOS: Cane sugarMAID: White, brown or yellow sugar?AKPOS: Abeg, forget about the tea, just give me a glass of water.MAID: Mineral, tap or distilled water?Akpos: Mineral water. MAID: Flavoured or non-flavoured?AKPOS: Infact get me an empty glass!MAID: Do you want a tumbler, wine glass, champagne flute or a beer mug?  AKPOS: Abeg, free me, I go fast"MAID: Wet fast or dry fast?
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Good Samaritan

Akpos picked up a blackberry Z10 in a taxi. He checked through the contacts and found "MY number 2" then he called it and luckily the owner answered "Wow! Thank God! Where did you pick the phone" Akpos quickly interrupted "not so fast lady, please give me your address."  "You want to bring the phone? Wow that's so nice of you. If only this country was full of good people like you..."Akpos interrupted "What nonsense are you saying? I want to come and collect the charger!"
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

School Donation

A guy knocked at Akpos' door asking for a donation for the local primary school's swimming pool.So Akpos went inside his house and came back saying, "Here, have a cup of water."
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

How Many Feet

TEACHER: How many feet are there in a yard?AKPOS: It depends, if there are 3 people, then we have six feet.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Keep Driving!

Akpos was driving home late one night. His front lights were no longer working so he was driving on the road behind a car whose front lights were working perfectly.All of a sudden, the car in front stopped moving. Akpos waited for close to 5 minutes in his car but the car in front didn't move.Akpos shouted, "Why did you stop? come on, keep driving!"The man in the car shouted back; "Should I keep driving in my own garage?"
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Akpos Jokes 11

No Condoms

Akpos was making love to a girl when she realized he was not using a condom.She asked him, "You're not using a condom?!"Akpos answered, "Yes."She said, "Hope you don't have HIV/AIDS?"Akpos, looking irritated, replied, "NO!"The girl sighed and said, "Thank God. I don't want to get that thing again."Akpos fainted Immediately!
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂


Crazy Workers

Two factory workers, Tsbalala and Akpos are talking. Tsbalala says, "I can make the boss give me the day off." Akpos replies, "And how would you do that?" Tsbalala says, "Just wait and see."  He then hangs upside-down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?" Tsbalala replies, "I'm a light bulb." The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off." Akpos starts to follow Tsbalala and the boss says, "Where are you going?" Akpos says, "I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark."
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 


What Is A Valley

TEACHER: What's a valley!
AKPOS: A valley is a long "depression" (or low part) in the land, between two higher parts, ma.
TEACHER: Excellent answer Akpos. Give me an example!
AKPOS: The space between your boobs, ma!
Akpos is currently serving a one month suspension.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂


Coded Language

AKPOS: Sweetheart, I am GEJ
HELEN: Youre kidding? Our president is GEJ (Goodluck Ebele Jonathan)
AKPOS: I mean, I am GEJ - GOING ON AN EMERGENCY JOURNEY!
HELEN: (smiling) Oh! Youre not serious! What kind of a journey are you going on?
AKPOS: OBJ.
HELEN: To meet Obasanjo?
AKPOS: No, it means ON A BUSINESS JOURNEY.
HELEN: Oh! AKPOS: Yes IBB.
HELEN: Babangida?
AKPOS: ILL BE BACK. HELEN: (smiles). Very funny.
AKPOS: Till then APC.
HELEN: What does that mean?
AKPOS: Ill ALWAYS PING AND CALL.
HELEN: Hmmm
AKPOS: And while Im away, PDP with love.
HELEN: What?
AKPOS: PLEASE DONT PLAY with our love.
HELEN: (after a short pause) You know I wont BRF.
AKPOS: What has Lagos state governor got to do with all this?
HELEN: (smiling) Ill BE RIGHTEOUS and FAITHFUL!
AKPOS: I trust you
HELEN: FOOL! AKPOS: (screaming) Whaaat?!
HELEN: FOR OUR OVERWHELMING LOVE!
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂.

Shared from Book of Jokes by PRMP Smart Jokes 😂

For more jokes click and Like ▶️  #PRMPSmartJokes  

Akpos Jokes 10

S.H.I.T

A lady gets in an elevator and sees Akpos standing there. She tells him, "TGIF, sir." To which he replies, "SHIT, ma'am." Surprised, she replies, "Excuse me, I was just trying to be nice - T stands for "Thank", G stands for "Goodness," I stands for "It's," and F stands for "Friday." Akpos replies, "S stands for "Sorry," H stands for "Honey," I stands for "It's," and T stands for "Thursday."
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 


Female Voice

One day, a woman asked her son, Akpos to call her husband to ask him what he wanted her to cook for dinner. After the sixth time the boy complained to his mother that a female voice was what he heard everytime he called and the lady would not let him speak to his dad. By the time the man got home that evening, his wife was fuming seriously. She was so angry that she met him at his car and grabbed his shirt right there in the front yard. "How dare you cheat on me?" she shouted, attracting the neighbours instantly. "How could you? After all we have been through?"The confused man stared at her. He could not fathom why she was so mad at him. The neighbours tried to calm her down but she refused, and when someone asked for evidence, she recounted the phone call episode and called on Akpos to repeat everything the lady on the phone said."The number you are calling is not reachable at the moment. Please try again later," Akpos said.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 


A Stressed Man

A stressed man was thinking deeply in his office about all his problems, when suddenly a man rushed into his office and shouted, "AKPOS! AKPOS! Your daughter just had an accident and died!" He suddenly jumped out of his window. Immediately he remembered his office was 10 floors away, then he remembered he does not have a daughter and he also remembered his name was not even AKPOS!
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂


Akpors and The Principal

Akpors was caught red handed by his principal writing "MAY GOD PUNISH MY PRINCIPAL"
PRINCIPAL: What nonsense are you writing? [about to Slap Akpors].
AKPORS: Sir, I have not finished writing it.
PRINCIPAL: [angry] What do you mean. You are insulting me and you are telling me that you have not finished?
AKPORS: This is not what I want to write.
PRINCIPAL: So what did you want to write?
AKPORS: I wanted to write "MAY GOD PUNISH MY PRINCIPAL'S ENEMIES"
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂


Tree Money

A teacher came to the class and advised the children to work hard. She said, "Money don't grow on tree." Akpos stood up and asked the teacher, "If money doesn't grow on tree, why do banks have branches?"
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 .

Shared from Book of Jokes by PRMP Smart Jokes 😂

For more jokes click and Like ▶️  #PRMPSmartJokes  

Akpos Jokes 9

Football Dream

Akpos went to the doctor, "Doctor every night in my dream, I am always playing football." Doctor say, "Take these pills, they will help you sleep better." Akpos replies, "I can't take them, tonight is the final game."
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂


Coincidence

TEACHER: Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE? AKPOS: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂


Doing Drugs

AKPOS DAD: A little bird told me you're doing drugs.
AKPOS: You're talking with birds and I'm the one doing drugs?!
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂


Primary Five Class

A teacher told a primary five class that 2x+2x =4.Akpos got up and said, "Its a lie!"The teacher angrily said, "I have been teaching for past five year now, so I know what I'm saying!"Akpos replied, "I have also been in this class for seven years now."
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂


Car Brake

AKPOS: Hi Kwame, I need your Help!
KWAME: How can I help you?
AKPOS: Please, I want to test if the BRAKE of my Car is still working.
KWAME: How can I be of help here?
AKPOS: Please, just stay at the front of the car while I drive towards you.
KWAME: Ok.
After Some Minutes, Kwame was rushed to the hospital with broken legs while Akpos is now in the Police Station.Please, who is the FOOL here, Akpos or Kwame?
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂.

Shared from Book of Jokes by PRMP Smart Jokes 😂

For more jokes click and Like ▶️   #PRMPSmartJokes  

Akpos Jokes 8

Don't Swallow Me

During a lesson, Akpos yawns extremely wide.The teacher tries to make a joke, "Akpos, don't swallow me."Akpos replies, "Don't worry ma, I don't eat goat meat."
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 


Akpos Baptized

Akpos was baptized in a nearby church. The pastor asked him to choose any Christian name.
AKPOS: Pastor, I would be much glad to be called Grace.
PASTOR: Grace is for females.
AKPOS: What about Disgrace?
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂


Nice Taste

Akpos enter into a pharmacy, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small bottle and a tea spoon. He pours some liquid onto the tea spoon and offers it to the chemist's assistant, "Could you taste this please?" says Akpos. The Chemist assistant takes the tea spoon, put it in his mouth, swills the liquid and swallows it. "Does it taste sweet?" says Akpos. "No, not at all" says the Chemist assistant. "Good!" says Akpos "The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar."
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂


Type of Sentence

In an English class...
TEACHER: Mercy swept the whole Compound! What type of sentence is that?
AKPOS: Compound sentence sir!
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂


Exam Scores

Akpos' father wanted him and his brother, Mike to get an A in their mathematics exam. So he employed a mathematics tutor to help them pass their exams.They did the exams and few days later, the result of their scores came out. Akpos had an E.As Akpos was going home, he saw his brother with a swollen head, limping towards him. Surprised, Akpos asked him, "What happened? Who did this to you?"Mike slowly and painfully replied, "Daddy did this to me, because I had a B in Maths."Akpos has not been found for the past two weeks now!
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 .

Shared from Book of Jokes by PRMP Smart Jokes 😂

For more jokes click and Like ▶️  #PRMPSmartJokes  

Akpos Jokes 7

Eating Condom

One day, Akpos calls 911, "Come quick, my little son has swallowed a condom!" After 5 mins, Akpos calls back, "It's okay, I found another one."
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂


Job Problem

Akpos is coming back from work. As he enters the sitting room, his wife asked:
WIFE: Darling! Why are you looking so sad?
AKPOS: Sweetheart, I have a problem at my office.
WIFE: Don't say you have a problem. You should say we have a problem because we are now married.
AKPOS: OK, we have a problem in our office.
WIFE: And what is the problem darling?
AKPOS: Our secretary is pregnant for us.
WIFE: Whaaat!!!The wife fainted!
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂


Robbing Houses

Kwame one day told Akpos about the robbery in their neighbourhood. He said, "The robbers have been attacking for a week now. They have robbed four houses including my house and they operate by jumping through fences." Then Akpos replied, "That's terrible! But thank God I'm lucky."Kwame then asked, "Why? Do you have a dog?"Akpos replied, "No, my house does not have a fence."
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂


Lost in the Woods

Akpos and two of his friends (Kwame and Thambo) are lost in a forest.For weeks, they lived there, and one day they find a magic lamp. They rub it and sure enough, out comes a genie. The genie says, "Since I can only give out 3 wishes, you may each have one."So Kwame goes first, "I have been stuck here for too long, I miss my family and my wife and my life. I just want to go home."POOF!!! he's gone.Then Thambo makes his wish, "I don't want to die here. I'm so tired of this place! I want to go home too."POOF!!! he's gone.Then Akpos suddenly feeling so lonely said, "I wish my friends were here."
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂


Exam Scores

Akpos' father wanted him and his brother, Mike to get an A in their mathematics exam. So he employed a mathematics tutor to help them pass their exams.They did the exams and few days later, the result of their scores came out. Akpos had an E.As Akpos was going home, he saw his brother with a swollen head, limping towards him. Surprised, Akpos asked him, "What happened? Who did this to you?"Mike slowly and painfully replied, "Daddy did this to me, because I had a B in Maths."Akpos has not been found for the past two weeks now!
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂


Jerry Can

TEACHER: If a man from Mexico is called a Mexican. What is a man from Jericho called??.
AKPOS: Jerry can.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂.

Shared from Book of Jokes by PRMP Smart Jokes 😂

For more jokes click and Like ▶️  #PRMPSmartJokes  

Akpos Jokes 6

SMS Message

There was a girl Akpos really loved but he never had the guts to tell her how much he loves her. One night, at around 11pm, he summoned some courage and sent her an sms message saying, "I love you so much, I wanna date you. Please reply and tell me how you feel about me." A few seconds later he received a message alert on his phone. He was so scared and too tensed to open it that night, so he decided not to check the reply until the next morning when he will be less tensed. When he woke up the next day, he said his prayers, did his morning chores, brushed his teeth, ate his breakfast, took his bath and combed his hair, then jumped back to his bed and gently picked up his phone to read the message. So he started reading:"Dear customer you have insufficient balance to complete your request. kindly recharge your account and try again. Thank you."
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂


Mental School

Two mentally disturbed men Akpos and Kwame decided they must go to school. They collected old books and went to sit under the tree pretending it was a school. The following day, Akpos got there early and climbed the tree. As Kwame came and saw his friend on top of the tree he asked, "What are you doing up there?"Akpos replied, "I am now in high school."
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂


The Best Stress

TEACHER: Who can make a sentence with the word STRESS?
MARY: You are causing me more STRESS.
JOHN: I hate STRESS.
AKPOS: Yesterday I saw our teacher and our headmiSTRESS making love in her office.
The Teacher fainted!
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂


Money Above Life

Akpos had a serious accident with his brand new car. A police officer nearby ran to the scene to help them out."This man's car just hit my car! That car is worth Six million Naira! Now,my car is a total write-off!"The police officer shook his head in amazement and said "You are so materialistic.You didn't even realize that your hand had been cut off". Akpos looked at his bloody arm and screamed "OH MY GOD!!! Where is my gold wristwatch, and my ring!!?"
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂


Question Tag

TEACHER: Our topic today is question tag. E.g, Michael is a boy. Isn't he? Yes, he is. Can I have other examples?
KWAME: We will chop yam today. Chopin't we?
TEACHER: Wrong! Can anybody correct him?
AKPOS: Don't mind that blocked head sir. The correct sentence is, "We will chop yam today. Yamin't we?
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂


Mum's Funeral

One afternoon, Akpos arrived home with a sad news for his wife.AKPOS: Wife, I just received a call, my mother (mama) passed away. Shall we go to town and get some necessities for the funeral? Please write a list and then we can go.WIFE: A list wont be necessary; well just get two cabbages and two litres of cooking oil.AKPOS: Is it going to be enough?WIFE: No need to waste money, of course its going to be enough! They left for town and after getting the two cabbages and two litres of cooking oil. Akpos asked his wife again if that was all. She emphasised the issue of not wasting money on the funeral.Then they hit the road towards the village. They reached an interjection where the road branches to different towns. Akpos who was driving, took a turn towards his wifes home town.WIFE: Where are we going? I thought you said we are going to the funeral of your mum?AKPOS: Yes we are. But its actually YOUR mother who passed away.WIFE: (shocked and crying) But the grocery is not enough! Lets go back and get some more stuff!AKPOS: NO! I asked you over and over if it was all that was needed and you said yes, so we are not going back!
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂.

Shared from Book of Jokes by PRMP Smart Jokes 😂

For more jokes click and Like ▶️ #PRMPSmartJokes  

Akpos Jokes 5

Right Pocket

Akpos was in church one day when the pastor said, "Put your right hand in your right pocket. Whatever you see, give to the lord as a seed!"Akpos did so and the only N3000 left with him was given as a seed. Akpos went home furious. The next Sunday, the pastor said the same thing and Akpos obediently gave his last N1000 and was almost crying. When Akpos went to church the next Sunday, the pastor said, "Put your right hand in..."What was in Akpos right pocket was his car keys. Akpos immediately removed it and kept it in his left pocket. The pastor continued, "...in your left pocket and give as a seed unto the lord and see what God will do!"On hearing that, Akpos fainted!
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Decent Prostitute

Akpos stopped at a bar after work to have a drink. He started talking to a girl even though he is married, he thought she is so fine that he agreed to go to her place.

When he got to her place, he found out that she is a prostitute and that she wanted 5,000 Naira.

"Forget it," Akpos said, "You never told me you were a prostitute. But I do have 500 Naira with me, will you take that?"

"You won't get any decent prostitute for that amount," she replied.

She threw him out.

Later that night, Akpos and his wife went out for dinner. While they were eating, the same prostitute who happened to be eating there too recognised Akpos.

She came up to him and said, "See, I told you. Look at the kind of trash you picked up for 500 Naira."
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Write a Letter

During a class test, Teacher wrote on the board..."Write a letter to your friend from another school, tell him about your school, and also invite him to your school's upcoming inter house sport."In Just 10 minutes, Akpos was done writing, hurriedly stood up and ran out of the class with his Test paper sheet. 2 hours later, he came back to the class sweating, looking relaxed and smiling. The Teacher shouted, "Akpos! Come here, where went you? Why did you leave my class without permission and who permitted you to go out with your test Sheet?!"Akpos replied, "As I was writing the letter, I quickly remembered my friend's mom planned to pay a visit today to my friend. So I rushed to give her the letter so she can help me deliver it to him."
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Right Answers

Akpos got 0% marks in an exam and was surprised because all his answers were seemingly correct!The questions and answers below:
Q.1- In which battle did Usman Dan Fodio Die?Ans.- In his Last Battle.
Q.2- Where was the Declaration of Independence Signed?Ans.- At the Bottom of the Page.
Q.3- What is the Main Reason for Divorce?Ans.- Marriage.
Q.4- What day is the Nigeria Independence?Ans.- Independence Day
Q.5- When was Nelson Mandela Born?Ans.- On His Birthday.
Q.6- How will you Distribute 8 Mangoes among 6 People?Ans.- By Preparing Mango Shake!
Do you feel that he was wrongly penalised? Comment Below...
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Flight 633

"This is Captain Akpos speaking, on behalf of my crew and I, I'd like to welcome you on board flight 633 from New York to Lagos. "We are on the air above 36,000 feet across the Atlantic Ocean. If you look outside the window, you will see that the wing has fallen off and the engine is on fire. "If you look down the window, you will see a little yellow boat on the ocean. Inside the boat are 3 people waving at you, that's me, the Co-pilot and your Air hostess. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!"
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Names of Animals

Teacher enters into a class, "Who can give me a name of an animal that starts with the letter L?"Joy stood up and said, "Lion." The teacher said, "That's good! Who can also give me a name of an animal that starts with the letter A?" Akpos stood up and said, "A lion." The teacher angrily said, "Get out of my class!" As Akpos was walking out of the class, the teacher asked again, "Who can give me a name of an animal that starts with the letter M?" Akpos answered again, "Maybe a lion."
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 .

Shared from Book of Jokes by PRMP Smart Jokes 😂

For more jokes click and Like ▶️#PRMPSmartJokes  

Akpos Jokes 4

Sharing Formula

One hot afternoon, Akpos and two of his friends went for a walk. On the road, they saw a bag full of money and each of one of them suggested how the money would be shared amongst them.The first guy said; "I will draw a big circle on the ground and flip all the money up, which ever lands in the circle is mine, the rest is yours."The second friend disagreed and said; "I will draw a circle on the ground and flip all the money up, which ever lands outside the circle is mine while the one that lands in the circle is yours."Akpos thought for a while, and finally came up with his own crazy idea; "I will flip all the money up, which ever lands on the ground is mine, and anyone that stays up is for both of you."🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Example of Pronouns

TEACHER: Today you'll give an example of a pronoun each and form a sentence with it.
JOHN: HER
TEACHER: Ok, your sentence? 
JOHN: Give her her book. It's hers.
TEACHER: That's good. Yes who's next?
AKPOS: HIM
TEACHER: Your Sentence?
AKPOS: Give him him book. It's hims.
🤣 🤣 🤣 😂 😂 😂

Bravest Man

One day, a king held a party to look for the bravest man who will marry her daughter. He invited all the men in the land and told them that the person to swim across the pool with alligators gets my daughter or a million naira. Suddenly, Akpos was swimming very fast across the pool. He successfully made it through.
KING: Wow! You made it sir, what do you want, 1million or my daughter.
AKPOS: Sir with all due respect I want nothing of yours. All I want to know is the person who pushed me in the pool.
🤣 🤣 🤣 😂 😂 😂

Do It Again

AKPOS: Boss, you called me?BOSS: Yes, go home and make love with your wife. You need it.AKPOS: (after an hour, he called his boss) Done sir.BOSS: Do it again.AKPOS: Done again, sir.BOSS: Do it once more.AKPOS: Sir! I'm too weak to do it again. I've lost all strength.BOSS: Very good, come back to work.15 minutes later...BOSS: Here are my car keys, drop my daughter at home.
🤣 🤣 🤣 😂 😂 😂

Smelling Class

Akpos farts (pollutes the air) in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out. He goes and sits outside the class. The principal walks by and sees him sitting outside laughing. He asks, "Akpos, what are you doing outside sitting here laughing?"Akpos replies, "I farted in class and the teacher threw me out." The Principal asks, "Well then, why are you laughing?" Akpos replies, "Because they are in class taking in the smell while I'm here enjoying the fresh air."
🤣 🤣 🤣 😂 😂 😂

I Need Money

AKPOS: Kwame please, I'm going to be needing N100,000 from you... I promise to pay back with N120,000.KWAME: First of all, what do you need the money for?AKPOS: I want to buy an iPhone 6s for my ex on her birthday so as to win her back.KWAME: First, send me your pastor's phone number...🤣 🤣 🤣 😂 😂 😂

Shared from Book of Jokes by PRMP Smart Jokes 

For more jokes click and Like ▶️   #PRMPSmartJokes