Dirty Jokes 6

Guy: Can I buy you a drink?  Girl: Sorry, but alcohol is bad for my legs.  Guy: Do they swell?  Girl: No. They spread.
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Whos the biggest prostitute in history? ¨  Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.
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While watching TV with his wife, a man tosses peanuts into the air and catches them in his mouth.   Just as he throws another peanut into the air, the front door opens, causing him to turn his head.   The peanut falls into his ear and gets stuck.  His daughter comes in with her date.   The man explains the situation, and the daughters date says, "I can get the peanut out."  He tells the father to sit down, shoves two fingers into the fathers nose, and tells him to blow hard.   The father blows, and the peanut flies out of his ear.  After the daughter takes her date to the kitchen for something to eat, the mother turns to the father and says, "Isnt he smart? I wonder what he plans to be."  The father says, "From the smell of his fingers, Id say our son-in-law."
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Whilst enjoying a drink with a buddy one night, this guy decides to try his luck with an attractive young girl sitting alone by the bar. To his surprise, she asks him to join her for a drink and eventually asks him if he'd like to come back to her place. The pair jump into a taxi and go back to her place.

Later, the young man pulls out a cigarette from his jeans and searches for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asks the girl if she has one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replies. Opening the drawer of the bedside table, he finds a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy begins to worry.

"Is this your husband?" he inquires nervously. "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" "No, don't be silly," she says, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demands the bewildered fellow. Calmly, the girl takes a match, strikes it across the side of her face and replies, "That's me before the operation."
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