PSJokes on Facebook

The difference between having guts and having balls! Guts is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?' Balls is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next.' #PRMPSmartJokes Like and share

Answer me this 5

Q: What do you get if you mix a rabbit and a snake?  A: A jump rope!
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Q: What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a 1,000 letters?
A: Post office.
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Q: Why do witches wear name tags?
A: To know which witch is which!
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Q: How did the pirate get through School?  A: By sailing on high Cs.
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Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business? 1. No mind2. No business.
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Answer me this 4

Q: Why are hairdressers never late for work?
A: Because they know all the short cuts!
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Q: What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
A: Their balls are just for decoration.
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Q:What did one plate say to the other plate? A:('Lunch is on me!')
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Q: What did one cannibal say to the other cannibal while eating the clown?A: "Does this taste funny to you?"
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Answer me this 3

Q: What do you call the child of parents from Iceland and Cuba?
A: An ice cube.
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Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
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A Nano breaks down on a roadside. A BMW 750Li stops to help the driver.

I will tow you to the next service station, but if I drive too fast please flash your lights.

They start up slowly but only a km or so down the line a Porsche speeds past 150km/hour.

The BMW driver totally forgets about the Nano and guns it after the Porsche.

Just as all 3 of them tear through a speed trap, the cop radios the HQ: Calling all stations: You won't believe this, I just saw a BMW & a Porsche racing past at about 190 km/h with a Nano behind them flashing its lights to Overtake.
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Q: "Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish?"  A: "You cant tuna fish."
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Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.
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PSJokes on Facebook

A beautiful blonde lady stepped onto a plane going to L.A. and sat down in first class. The flight attendant proceeded to go around the airplane checking the ticket stubs of each passenger to make sure they were all in the right seats. When she got to the Blonde woman she noticed that it was for Coach seating, not first class. She tells the woman, "You're ticket says coach ma'am and we have a full flight today. I'm going to have to ask you to move." To which the blonde replies, "You don't understand, I'm blonde, beautiful, I'm going to L.A. and I'm getting there in first class." Confused, the stewardess gets her supervisor. Again, she tells the woman that she must move. Again, the blonde replies, "You don't understand, I'm blonde, beautiful, I'm going to L.A. and I'm getting there in first class." Also confused, they go get the captain. He tells the woman that she must move. The blonde starts to say, "You don't understand, I'm blonde, beautiful..." when he interrupts and asks, "Can I whisper something in your ear?" "Sure" she replies and he proceeds to whisper something in her ear. Suddenly she gets up and goes back to coach seating with a look of surprise on her face. The flight attendants are startled. "How did you get her to move?" "I told her that first class wasn't going to L.A." 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Two Teenage boys were picked up for doing drugs. When they went to court, the judge said that he would like to give them a second chance. If they could work in the community and convince young people not to do drugs, they would avoid jail time. The two boys went to the community and did their work and returned to court the following month. The judge asked the first boy how he did and he told the judge that he convinced 30 people not to do drugs. The judge said, "That was great how did you do that?" The Boy told him, "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd boy) "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?" "Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them, 'This is your asshole before prison.'" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 A four-year-old boy asked his friend what a penis was. His friend's response was that he did not know and he would ask his dad. That evening the second boy asked his dad. His dad gladly exposed himself to his son and with his penis in hand said, "Son this is a penis. In fact, if you take a good look you will see this is a perfect penis." The next day the second five year old boy met the first five year old boy and called him behind a hedge. The boy exposed himself and said, "This is a penis. In fact, if it were three inches shorter it would be a perfect penis!" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Like page and share #PRMPSmartJokes

Yo Mama Jokes 6

yo mama so fat that when she puts on her yellow rain coat and walks down the street people shout out cab!
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Yo Momma So Fat The Only Letters She Knows In The Alphabet Are K.F.C!
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Yo Mamas so dumb she waited all day at a stop sign.
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Yo mama is so fat, the army used her pants for a parachute.
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Yo mama's so stupid, I saw her jumping up and down, asked what she was doing, and she said she drank a bottle of medicine and forgot to shake it
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Yo Mama Jokes 4

Yo momma is so fat that when she went to the beach a whale swam up and sang, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me."
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Yo mama so fat Mount Everest tried to climb her.
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Yo momma is so fat when she sat on an iPad she made a plasma TV.
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Yo mama's so ugly, she has to creep up on water to get a drink.
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Yo mama so fat she has more rolls than a bakery.
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Yo Mama Jokes 5

Yo Momma so damn ugly that she turned your dad gay.
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Yo mama's so stupid, she died before the police arrived because she couldn't find the "11" button in "9-1-1"
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Yo mamas so fat, when she leaves the beach everybody shouts "The coast is clear."
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Yo momma's so ugly, her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
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Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."
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Yo Mama Jokes 4

Yo momma is so fat that when she went to the beach a whale swam up and sang, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me."
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Yo mama so fat Mount Everest tried to climb her.
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Yo momma is so fat when she sat on an iPad she made a plasma TV.
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Yo mama's so ugly, she has to creep up on water to get a drink.
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Yo mama so fat she has more rolls than a bakery.
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PSJokes on Facebook

President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon. "Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, "there's good news & bad news." "Oh, no," muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad news first." "The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures from another planet." "Gosh, and the good news?" "The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and pee oil." 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 A Engineer and an Programmer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Engineer leans over to the Programmer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Programmer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The Engineer persists and explains that the game is real easy and a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5." Again, the Programmer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The Engineer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50!" This catches the Programmer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The Engineer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The Programmer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the Engineer. Now, it's the Programmer's turn. He asks the Engineer "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?" The Engineer looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Air phone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers -- all to no avail. After about an hour, he wakes the Programmer and hands him $50. The Programmer politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep. The Engineer, more than a little miffed, shakes the Programmer and asks "Well, so what's the answer?" Without a word, the Programmer reaches into his wallet, hands the Engineer a $5 bill, and turns away to get back to sleep. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 They say that the new super computer knows everything. A skeptical man came and asked the computer, "Where is my father?" The computer bleeped for a short while, and then came back with "Your father is fishing in Michigan." The skeptical man said triumphantly, "You see? I knew this was nonsense. My father has been dead for twenty years." "No", replied the super computer immediately. "Your mother's husband has been dead for twenty years. Your father just landed a three pound out." 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Got this email from a friend: CanYouFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard? Click and Like the page for more▶️ #PRMPSmartJokes 🚮Visit for more Jokes ⏩ prmpsmartjokes.blogspot.com

PSJokes on Facebook

A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls the fire department on her cell phone. "Please state the nature of your emergency," says the operator. "Help! My house is on fire!" the blonde replies. "Okay, where do you live?" "In a house you silly billy!" the blonde replies. "No,no! How do we get there?" the operator asks frustratedly. "Duh! Big Red Truck!!" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Teacher : What are you doing, crawling into school ten minutes late? Pupil : Well you told me never to walk into school ten minutes late! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 A husband wanted to call the hospital to ask about his pregnant wife, but accidentally called the cricket stadium. He asks, "How's the situation?" He was shocked & nearly died on hearing the reply. They said, "It's fine. 3 are out, hope to get another 7." Please give us a like #PRMPSmartJokes

Little Johnny Jokes 7

One day Little Johnny walks up to his Mom and says, "Mommy, is God Black or White?"

She replies, "Well, Honey, God is both Black and White."

Then he says, "Mommy, is God a boy or a girl?"

"God is both a boy and a girl, Honey," she replies.

"Mommy, is God gay or straight?" he inquires again.

Getting a little irritated, the mother replies, "Well, Honey, God is both gay and straight."

After thinking for a moment, Johnny looks up and asks, "Mommy, is God Michael Jackson?"
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Little Johnny was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, "How was I born? " "The stork brought you to us. " "Oh," said Little Johnny. "Well, how did you and daddy get born? " he asked. "Oh, the stork brought us too. " "So... how were grandpa and grandma born? " "Well, darling, the stork brought them too," said the mother. The next day Little Johnny handed in his paper to the teacher. It read, "This report is impossible to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations. "
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The Teacher tells the class they are going to play a game,she will describe an object and the students will tell her what she had described. Teacher: "The first object is Red, Round, and has a stem." Timmy: " I know what it is, it's an apple." Teacher: "That's right, I like the way you're thinking." "OK the next item is round, has a peel, and you eat it."Christopher: "I know what it is, it's an orange." Teacher: "That's right, I like the way you're thinking." Johnny: "Can I try, Teacher?" Teacher: "Yes Johnny, but, Keep it clean!" Johnny sticks his hands in his pockets and feels around for a second, and says "My object is round, hard, and has a head on it." Teacher: "Alright Johnny, go to the office!" Johnny: "No Teacher, it's a quarter, but, I like the way you're thinking!"
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The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.  She called on him and said, "Johnny!   What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"  Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"
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Sunday Class

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?"

When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

"God Almighty !" shouted Mary.

The teacher said, "Very good!" and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior?", but Mary didn't even stir from her slumber.

Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

"Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary.

The teacher said, "Very good!" and Mary fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"

Again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"
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Akpos Jokes 21

Big Testicles

Akpos had testicles the size of fully grown apples, so when he heard about a competition in the USA for the man with the world's largest testicles he decide to sell all his property so that he can buy an air ticket and go and participate in the competition. He flew to the United States and when he got there, he found the competition had ended. So he approached one of the participants who was crying, and this is how the conversation went. AKPOS: Why are you crying sir?  MAN: I lost! I thought I was going to win.AKPOS: (he looked at the man's testicles) You lost and your testicles are as big as fully grown watermelons, who won then?MAN: (pointing) That man over there. AKPOS: You mean that guy on a hill? MAN: That's not a hill, those are his testicles!  Akpos Fainted!
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ATM Money

Akpos was passing by a bank and noticed quite a lot of people queuing up at the ATM wall. He joined them and when it was his turn to use the ATM, he withdrew all his money, then walks into the same bank and deposits the same money he withdrew, telling the Teller, "My money is not safe outside there in the ATM. People are just withdrawing anyhow and they may end up withdrawing my money. Keep my money inside the bank please!"
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Corruption Free

TEACHER: I assume that Nigeria will one day be corruption free. What tense is it?AKPOS: Future Impossible Tense!
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Akpos Finds America

TEACHER: Akpos, go to the map and find North America. AKPOS: Here it is!TEACHER: Correct! Now class, who discovered America?CLASS: AKPOS!!!
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Examination Text

And that was how Akpos entered into the JAMB examination hall with his phone. Waiting patiently for the message that contains the expo (examination answers). He hasn't written anything, but was busy eating his biro. He waited till 10 minutes to the end of exam before the message (expo) he was waiting for came in. Smiling, he opened the message. Guess what he sees: "To Download "Ladi" (ABACHA) By Phyno And Olamide ft. Lil kesh, Reply 1 to 4900 for N50 only (powered by Mtn).Akpos fainted immediately!.
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Little Johnny Jokes 6

One day at the end of class little Johnny's teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story, little Suzy raises her hand."My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road."The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."Next is little Lucy. "Well my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched."The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Lucy replies "Don't count your eggs before they're hatched."Last is little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with only a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down he drank the case of beer. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but ran out of bullets, so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. The blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands".Teacher looks in shock at Johnny and asks if there is possibly any moral to his story.Johnny replies, "Don't f*ck with uncle Ted when he's been drinking!"
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The Teacher asked Little Johnny,   How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?  Little Johnny replied, Just Don't bite any.
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Teacher asks children, what do you wish to do in future?   Jimmy: I want to be a pilot.   Willy: I want to be a doctor.   Mary: I want to be a good mother.  Little Johnny: I want to help Mary.
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The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited.
Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on
productive salesmanship.

Little Mary led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,"
she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the
customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious
success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Sally was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and
I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of
current events."

"Very good, Sally," said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn.

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped
a box full of cash on the teacher's desk."$2,467," he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"
"Tooth brushes," said Little Johnny.
"Tooth brushes," echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell
enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"
"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a
Dip & Chip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample.
They all said the same thing.
Hey, this tastes like shit!
Then I would say.............." It is shit."
Wanna buy a toothbrush?"
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Little Johnny’s 2nd grade teacher was quizzing them on the alphabet.  “Johnny,” she says, “what comes after ‘O’?”  Johnny says, “Yeah!”
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Husband and Wife Jokes 6

Why do you go on the balcony ?

Wife : "Why do you go on the balcony when I sing ? Don't you like to hear me ?"

Husband : "It isn't that. I want the neighbors to see that I'm not beating my wife."
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Wife: Who was that on the phone?
Husband: Wrong number. Some guy thought this was the weather bureau.
Wife: What did he say?
Husband: He asked if the coast was clear...
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A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby.   One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital.   He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.  The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the other father!?"
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The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon " Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning, madam. I've come to.... "Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in. "Really? " the photographer asked. "Well, good. I've made a speciality of babies "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat "After a moment, she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start? "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out! "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But, if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results "My, that's a lot of. " gasped Mrs. Smith. "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure " "Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London "Oh my God! " Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief. "And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with "She was difficult? " asked Mrs. Smith. "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look "Four and five deep? " asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement. "Yes," the photographer said, "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in. "Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean squirrels actually chewed on your, um..equipment? "That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so we can get to work. "Tripod????? "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam?... Good Lord, she's fainted!! "
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Wife: "In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring."
Husband: "I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill."
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