Popular Jokes 12

First On The Sun

USA: My country had the first man on the moon  JAPAN: My country will have the first man on mars. SOUTH AFRICA: We will be the first on the sun JAPAN: But you will die SOUTH AFRICA : No worries, we will go in the night
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An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.

He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: 'Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'

The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'
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Height of Insult

Guide: I welcome you all to Niagra falls. This is the world’s largest waterfall & the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can’t be heard! Now may I request the ladies to keep quiet so that we can hear the Niagra Falls…….
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A Mistake

A 8 year old boy entered his dad's room to talk to his dad who was reading a newspaper, the following discussion went on:  BOY: Dad what is a mistake? DAD: Son, a mistake is something that is not done deliberately by a person and very sorry about it, he's meant to be forgiven.  BOY: Well in that case dad, I mistakenly sold the house and the cars and I'm very sorry about it.
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Do Not Urinate Here!

A signboard which reads "DO NOT URINATE HERE. OFFENDERS WILL BE FINED 500 NAIRA" was by a road side. A man was caught urinating at the exact spot by a police officer and their conversation goes thus:POLICE: Why are you urinating here? Didn't you read the signboard?MAN: I'm sorry.POLICE: You'll have to pay a fine of 500 nairaThe man gave the police officer 1000 naira and demanded for his change:POLICE: You'll have to urinate one more time because I have no change.
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A Bad Accident

A journalist was standing by the roadside. Suddenly, he heard a car screech and saw a huge crowd gather at the other end of the road.He got to the scene of the accident 5 minutes later and saw a mammoth crowd in an apparent circle. "The person down there must have been hit by a car." He thought to himself.He decides to investigate further and tries to force his way through the crowd but was unsuccessful. His journalistic skills kicked into gear and he shouted, "PLEASE! MAKE WAY! I AM THE SON OF THE VICTIM." The crowd suddenly made way. He got to the centre of the crowd's attention and found out that the "victim" lying on the ground was a DOG.
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Daily Stupid Questions

Someone calls you at 2am and asks, "Are you sleeping?"Response: "No! I'm picking beans."When its raining and someone notices you going out yet they ask, "Are you going out in this rain?"Response: "No! In the next one."You are making out with your girlfriend then you start pulling her panties then she asks, "What are you trying to do?"Response: "I want to wash it for you."They see you coming out of the bathroom wet, yet they ask, "Did you just have a bath?"Response: "No, I fell into the toilet bowl."You're standing in front of the elevator on the ground floor going to your office, yet they ask, "Are you going up?"Response: "No, I'm waiting for my Office to come down and get me."Your boyfriend comes home with a bunch of flowers, and you still ask, "Are those flowers?"Response: "No baby, they're condoms!"You are in a queue at the cinema to buy ticket, a friend see's you and asks, "What are you doing here?"Response: "I'm here to pay my school fees."You are relieving yourself in the toilet and someone knocks the door and tries to open it. Its obviously locked. And then the person asks, Is anybody in there? Response: No. The shit locked the door and is talking to you.You stumble and fall into a gutter and your leg is bent at an awkward angle. People gather and ask, Are you okay? Response: "No. I'm just hanging out my leg, waiting for it to dry.
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The Pope Driving?

The Pope goes to New York, and gets picked up at the airport by a limousine. He looks at the beautiful car and says to the driver, "You know, I hardly ever get to drive. Would you please let me?"The driver is understandably hesitant and says, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm supposed to do that."But the Pope persists, "Please?"The driver finally lets up, "Oh, alright, I can't really say no to the Pope."So the Pope takes the wheel, and boy, is he a speed demon! He hits the gas and goes around 100 mph in a 45 zone. A policeman notices and pulls him over. The cop walks up and asks the Pope to wind the window down. Startled and surprised, the young officer asks the Pope to wait a minute. He goes back to his patrol car and radios the chief.COP: Chief, I have a problem.CHIEF: What sort of problem?COP: Well, you see, I pulled over this guy for driving way over the speed limit, but it's someone really important.CHIEF: Important like the mayor?COP: No, no, much more important than that.CHIEF: Important like the governor?COP: Way more important than that.CHIEF: Like the president?COP: Much more important.CHIEF: Who's more important than the president?COP: I don't know but he has the Pope DRIVING for him!
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Oxymoron

English is a funny Language. One fascinating word of English Language is Oxymoron: An Oxymoron is defined as a phrase in which two words of opposite meanings are brought together. Here are some area scatter oxymorons...1) Independently dependent. 2) Clearly Misunderstood. 3) Exact Estimate. 4) Small Crowd. 5) Act Naturally. 6) Found Missing. 7) Fully Empty. 8) Pretty Ugly. 9) Seriously Funny. 10) Only Choice. 11) Original Copies. 12) Open Secret. 13) Tragic Comedy. 14) Foolish Wisdom. 15) Liquid Gas. 16) Stupidly Intelligent. 17) Richly Poor. 18) Naturally Homemade. 19) Impatiently Waiting. 20) Living Dead. 21) Beautifully Ugly. 22) Educated Illiterate. And The Mother of all...HAPPILY MARRIED  You can add More Below...
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My Father's The Best

Three boys were bragging about their fathers. The first one said, "My father runs so fast he can fire an arrow, start running, and get there before the arrow!"

The second one said, "That's nothing! My father can shoot a gun, start running, and get there before the bullet!"

The third boy just smiled. "That's nothing. My father is a civil servant. He gets off work at 5 and is home before 4!"
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