Akpos Jokes 7

Eating Condom

One day, Akpos calls 911, "Come quick, my little son has swallowed a condom!" After 5 mins, Akpos calls back, "It's okay, I found another one."
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Job Problem

Akpos is coming back from work. As he enters the sitting room, his wife asked:
WIFE: Darling! Why are you looking so sad?
AKPOS: Sweetheart, I have a problem at my office.
WIFE: Don't say you have a problem. You should say we have a problem because we are now married.
AKPOS: OK, we have a problem in our office.
WIFE: And what is the problem darling?
AKPOS: Our secretary is pregnant for us.
WIFE: Whaaat!!!The wife fainted!
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Robbing Houses

Kwame one day told Akpos about the robbery in their neighbourhood. He said, "The robbers have been attacking for a week now. They have robbed four houses including my house and they operate by jumping through fences." Then Akpos replied, "That's terrible! But thank God I'm lucky."Kwame then asked, "Why? Do you have a dog?"Akpos replied, "No, my house does not have a fence."
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Lost in the Woods

Akpos and two of his friends (Kwame and Thambo) are lost in a forest.For weeks, they lived there, and one day they find a magic lamp. They rub it and sure enough, out comes a genie. The genie says, "Since I can only give out 3 wishes, you may each have one."So Kwame goes first, "I have been stuck here for too long, I miss my family and my wife and my life. I just want to go home."POOF!!! he's gone.Then Thambo makes his wish, "I don't want to die here. I'm so tired of this place! I want to go home too."POOF!!! he's gone.Then Akpos suddenly feeling so lonely said, "I wish my friends were here."
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Exam Scores

Akpos' father wanted him and his brother, Mike to get an A in their mathematics exam. So he employed a mathematics tutor to help them pass their exams.They did the exams and few days later, the result of their scores came out. Akpos had an E.As Akpos was going home, he saw his brother with a swollen head, limping towards him. Surprised, Akpos asked him, "What happened? Who did this to you?"Mike slowly and painfully replied, "Daddy did this to me, because I had a B in Maths."Akpos has not been found for the past two weeks now!
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Jerry Can

TEACHER: If a man from Mexico is called a Mexican. What is a man from Jericho called??.
AKPOS: Jerry can.
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Akpos Jokes 6

SMS Message

There was a girl Akpos really loved but he never had the guts to tell her how much he loves her. One night, at around 11pm, he summoned some courage and sent her an sms message saying, "I love you so much, I wanna date you. Please reply and tell me how you feel about me." A few seconds later he received a message alert on his phone. He was so scared and too tensed to open it that night, so he decided not to check the reply until the next morning when he will be less tensed. When he woke up the next day, he said his prayers, did his morning chores, brushed his teeth, ate his breakfast, took his bath and combed his hair, then jumped back to his bed and gently picked up his phone to read the message. So he started reading:"Dear customer you have insufficient balance to complete your request. kindly recharge your account and try again. Thank you."
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Mental School

Two mentally disturbed men Akpos and Kwame decided they must go to school. They collected old books and went to sit under the tree pretending it was a school. The following day, Akpos got there early and climbed the tree. As Kwame came and saw his friend on top of the tree he asked, "What are you doing up there?"Akpos replied, "I am now in high school."
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The Best Stress

TEACHER: Who can make a sentence with the word STRESS?
MARY: You are causing me more STRESS.
JOHN: I hate STRESS.
AKPOS: Yesterday I saw our teacher and our headmiSTRESS making love in her office.
The Teacher fainted!
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Money Above Life

Akpos had a serious accident with his brand new car. A police officer nearby ran to the scene to help them out."This man's car just hit my car! That car is worth Six million Naira! Now,my car is a total write-off!"The police officer shook his head in amazement and said "You are so materialistic.You didn't even realize that your hand had been cut off". Akpos looked at his bloody arm and screamed "OH MY GOD!!! Where is my gold wristwatch, and my ring!!?"
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Question Tag

TEACHER: Our topic today is question tag. E.g, Michael is a boy. Isn't he? Yes, he is. Can I have other examples?
KWAME: We will chop yam today. Chopin't we?
TEACHER: Wrong! Can anybody correct him?
AKPOS: Don't mind that blocked head sir. The correct sentence is, "We will chop yam today. Yamin't we?
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Mum's Funeral

One afternoon, Akpos arrived home with a sad news for his wife.AKPOS: Wife, I just received a call, my mother (mama) passed away. Shall we go to town and get some necessities for the funeral? Please write a list and then we can go.WIFE: A list wont be necessary; well just get two cabbages and two litres of cooking oil.AKPOS: Is it going to be enough?WIFE: No need to waste money, of course its going to be enough! They left for town and after getting the two cabbages and two litres of cooking oil. Akpos asked his wife again if that was all. She emphasised the issue of not wasting money on the funeral.Then they hit the road towards the village. They reached an interjection where the road branches to different towns. Akpos who was driving, took a turn towards his wifes home town.WIFE: Where are we going? I thought you said we are going to the funeral of your mum?AKPOS: Yes we are. But its actually YOUR mother who passed away.WIFE: (shocked and crying) But the grocery is not enough! Lets go back and get some more stuff!AKPOS: NO! I asked you over and over if it was all that was needed and you said yes, so we are not going back!
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂.

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Akpos Jokes 5

Right Pocket

Akpos was in church one day when the pastor said, "Put your right hand in your right pocket. Whatever you see, give to the lord as a seed!"Akpos did so and the only N3000 left with him was given as a seed. Akpos went home furious. The next Sunday, the pastor said the same thing and Akpos obediently gave his last N1000 and was almost crying. When Akpos went to church the next Sunday, the pastor said, "Put your right hand in..."What was in Akpos right pocket was his car keys. Akpos immediately removed it and kept it in his left pocket. The pastor continued, "...in your left pocket and give as a seed unto the lord and see what God will do!"On hearing that, Akpos fainted!
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Decent Prostitute

Akpos stopped at a bar after work to have a drink. He started talking to a girl even though he is married, he thought she is so fine that he agreed to go to her place.

When he got to her place, he found out that she is a prostitute and that she wanted 5,000 Naira.

"Forget it," Akpos said, "You never told me you were a prostitute. But I do have 500 Naira with me, will you take that?"

"You won't get any decent prostitute for that amount," she replied.

She threw him out.

Later that night, Akpos and his wife went out for dinner. While they were eating, the same prostitute who happened to be eating there too recognised Akpos.

She came up to him and said, "See, I told you. Look at the kind of trash you picked up for 500 Naira."
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Write a Letter

During a class test, Teacher wrote on the board..."Write a letter to your friend from another school, tell him about your school, and also invite him to your school's upcoming inter house sport."In Just 10 minutes, Akpos was done writing, hurriedly stood up and ran out of the class with his Test paper sheet. 2 hours later, he came back to the class sweating, looking relaxed and smiling. The Teacher shouted, "Akpos! Come here, where went you? Why did you leave my class without permission and who permitted you to go out with your test Sheet?!"Akpos replied, "As I was writing the letter, I quickly remembered my friend's mom planned to pay a visit today to my friend. So I rushed to give her the letter so she can help me deliver it to him."
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Right Answers

Akpos got 0% marks in an exam and was surprised because all his answers were seemingly correct!The questions and answers below:
Q.1- In which battle did Usman Dan Fodio Die?Ans.- In his Last Battle.
Q.2- Where was the Declaration of Independence Signed?Ans.- At the Bottom of the Page.
Q.3- What is the Main Reason for Divorce?Ans.- Marriage.
Q.4- What day is the Nigeria Independence?Ans.- Independence Day
Q.5- When was Nelson Mandela Born?Ans.- On His Birthday.
Q.6- How will you Distribute 8 Mangoes among 6 People?Ans.- By Preparing Mango Shake!
Do you feel that he was wrongly penalised? Comment Below...
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Flight 633

"This is Captain Akpos speaking, on behalf of my crew and I, I'd like to welcome you on board flight 633 from New York to Lagos. "We are on the air above 36,000 feet across the Atlantic Ocean. If you look outside the window, you will see that the wing has fallen off and the engine is on fire. "If you look down the window, you will see a little yellow boat on the ocean. Inside the boat are 3 people waving at you, that's me, the Co-pilot and your Air hostess. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!"
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Names of Animals

Teacher enters into a class, "Who can give me a name of an animal that starts with the letter L?"Joy stood up and said, "Lion." The teacher said, "That's good! Who can also give me a name of an animal that starts with the letter A?" Akpos stood up and said, "A lion." The teacher angrily said, "Get out of my class!" As Akpos was walking out of the class, the teacher asked again, "Who can give me a name of an animal that starts with the letter M?" Akpos answered again, "Maybe a lion."
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