School Jokes 11

Special High Intensity Teaching Memo to all students:In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity From students, it will be our policy to keep all students well taught through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING(S. H. I. T.). We are trying to give our students more S. H. I. T. than any other school. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S. H. I. T. on the course, please see your lecturer. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S. H. I. T. list, and our lecturers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S. H. I. T. you can handle. Students who don't know S. H. I. T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EDUCATIONAL EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D. E. E. P. S. H. I. T.). Those who fail to take D. E. E. P. S. H. I. T. seriously will have to go to EDUCATIONAL ATTITUDE TRAINING (E. A. T. S. H. I. T.). Since our lecturers took S. H. I. T. before they graduated, they don't have to do S. H. I. T. anymore, as they are all full of S. H. I. T. already. If you are full of S. H. I. T., you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B. U. L. L. S. H. I. T.). For students who are intending to pursue a career in management and consultancy, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M. O. R. E. S. H. I. T.). This course emphasizes on how to manage M. O. R. E. S. H. I. T. If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H. O. T. S. H. I. T.). Thank you,BOSS IN GENERAL SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING(B. I. G. S. H. I. T.)
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Joey and Katie are sitting in school.  Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question.  "Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?" Joey sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.  "Jesus Christ almighty! !" Exclaimed Katie.  "Correct." Says the teacher.  So the next day the same incident occurs and the same question comes up "Who created Heaven and Earth?"   Katie (Again sleeping) is poked by Joeys pencil "Jesus Christ almighty!" she exclaims.  "Correct again." Says the teacher.  So the next day, for a 3rd time, The teacher asks Katie "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"  Katie (again sleeping) is poked by Joeys pencil again, and screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I am going to crack it in half!"
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Teacher: Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?  Father: No. Why do you ask that?  Teacher: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
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One morning a boy walks in to class late  His substitute teacher asks him "Where have you been"  He replies "Throwing pebbles at a car"  15 minutes later a girl walks in the teacher asks where have you been she answers "throwing pebbles at a car"  2 hours later a young girl comes in all bruised and dirty the teacher asks "Let me guess you were throwing pebbles at a car" she answers "No miss, I am pebbles"
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What is the longest word in the English language?  Smiles: there is a mile between the first and last letters!
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School Jokes 10

The answer to the problem was “log(1+x)”.   A student copied the answer from the student next to him, but didn’t want to make it obvious that he was  cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to “timber(1+x).”
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Stacy: You know Tracy, sometimes I don't understand life.  Tracy: What do you mean?  Stacy: When we were a younger, we learnt to talk and to walk. At school, we always have to sit down and shut up...
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On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"                                                    At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:"How much for a season pass?"
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Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.   Everyone must attend it.  Mary: No madam! I will not be able to attend it.  Teacher: Why?  Mary: My mother will not allow me to go so far!
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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.   At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.   The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray,   “Take only one. God is watching.”  Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.   One child whispered to another, “Take all you want.   God is watching the apples.”
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Little Johnny Jokes 9

Most wanted

Little Johnny’s kindergarden class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 Most Wanted men. One of the kids pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
“Yes,” said the policeman. “The detectives want him very badly.”
"So," Little Johnny asked, “Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture?”
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Little Johnny : Mam,Will you punish me for something that I didn’t do?? ?_? Teacher : Not at all. :|] Little Johnny : That’s good. Actually I didn’t do my homework!!!!! :P
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Little Johnny goes to his sisters room and picks up something.   His sister tells him to give it back, she wants to keep it as a souvenir.   He asks her what it is.  She says, "its a donut."    Then Little Johnny says, "give me fifty cents."    Johnny gives her the used condom, and his sister gives him 50 cents.   He goes to the kitchen with a big smile on his face, and his mom asks him why he's smiling.   He says, "My sister gave me fifty cents for a donut, but I already licked out all the custard!
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Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?   Teacher: Little Johnny, May I go to the bathroom?   Little Johnny: But I asked first!
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Little Johnny walks into his mothers room and catches her top less. Mommy, Mommy, what are those? He says pointing to her breasts. Well, son, These are balloons, and when you die, they inflate and float you up to heaven. Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite satisfied. Two days later while his mother is making tea, he rushes into the kitchen. Mommy, Mommy, Aunt Eliza is dying!What do you mean? Says his mother. Well, she's out in the garden shed, lying on the floor with both of her balloons out. Daddy is trying to blow them up for her and she keeps yelling, God, I'm coming! God, I'm coming!
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