Akpos Jokes 23

Computer Assistant

Akpos called a Computer Assistant on phone to complain and this conversation took place...
COMPUTER ASSISTANT: May I help you?
AKPOS: Yes, I am having trouble with WordPerfect.
COMPUTER ASSISTANT: What sort of trouble?
AKPOS: I was just typing along and all of a sudden the words went away.
COMPUTER ASSISTANT: Went away?AKPOS: They disappeared.
COMPUTER ASSISTANT: Hmm, so what does your screen look like now?
AKPOS: Nothing.
COMPUTER ASSISTANT: Can you see the C prompt on the screen?A
KPOS: What is the C prompt?
COMPUTER ASSISTANT: Never mind. Can you move the cursor around the screen?
AKPOS: There isn't any cursor. It won't accept anything I type.COMPUTER ASSISTANT: Does your monitor have a power indicator?
AKPOS: What is a monitor?COMPUTER ASSISTANT: It is the thing with the screen on it that looks like a T.V. Does it have a little light that tells you when it is switched on?
AKPOS: I don't know.
COMPUTER ASSISTANT: Well then, just look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?AKPOS: No, it's too dark in here.
COMPUTER ASSISTANT: Dark?
AKPOS: Yes, my room's light is off, so the only light I have is what is coming from my window.
COMPUTER ASSISTANT: Well, you had better turn on your room's light then.
AKPOS: I can't.
COMPUTER ASSISTANT: Why?AKPOS: Because there is no light.
COMPUTER ASSISTANT: No light? Okay, do you still have the boxes, manuals and packing stuff that the computer came in?
AKPOS: Yes, I kept them in my cupboard.
COMPUTER ASSISTANT: That is good. Go and get them and unplug your computer and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.
AKPOS: Really? Is it that bad?
COMPUTER ASSISTANT: Yes, I'm afraid it is.
AKPOS: Well, alright then what do I tell them?COMPUTER ASSISTANT: Tell them, you are too stupid to own a computer.
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Akpos hates his maths teacher

AKPOS: I don't like my maths teacher.
MUM: Why?
AKPOS: He is confused!
MUM: How?
AKPOS: Day before yesterday, he said 5 + 4 = 9, yesterday he said 3 + 6 = 9 and today he said 2 + 7 = 9
MUM: Can you imagine...I told your dad I never liked that school!

One word for the both of them
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I Love Your Wife

Akpos came home early from office. He was shocked to see his wife with his friend, Thambo. He told his wife to get out of the room. Then he said, "Thambo, what are you doing here?" Thambo replied "I love your wife and she loves me too." To this, Akpos said, "I know she loves me not you." After a long conversation, they decided, "We'll hold our guns and fire at each other and pretend to be dead, she will mourn who she loves most." The wife hears the gunshots, she enters d room, shocked and surprised. Suddenly she started laughing loudly, rejoicing and shouting, "Ochuko! Get out of that wardrobe, these two idiots are dead!"
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Mummy's Boy

MUM: Akpos, why are you crying? AKPOS: I've hurt my finger. MUM: When? AKPOS: Half an hour ago. MUM: I didn't hear you crying then. AKPOS: No, I thought you were out.
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Bad Comparison

TEACHER: You are a failure! At your age, Bill Gates already built his first computer software. AKPOS : Mind you Sir, at your age Adolf Hitler committed Suicide.
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Akpos Jokes 22

Opposite of Original

TEACHER: What is the opposite of good?LINDA: BadTEACHER: Correct! (Looking at Akpos) You, what is the opposite of original?AKPOS: China...
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A Barking Dog Never Bites

Akpos goes over to see his neighbour who has a very ferocious-looking dog. As Akpos approaches the door, the dog begins to bark wildly and his neighbour says to him, "Come on in, Akpos! Don't be afraid of my dog. You know the old proverb: A barking dog never bites." "Yes," replied Akpos, "I know the proverb, and you know the proverb, but does your dog know it?"
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3 New Words

TEACHER: Go home and find three new words or phrases and bring them to me tomorrow. Akpos goes home and asks his mother while she is on the phone. AKPOS: Mum, class teacher gave me an assignment to find three new words or phrases. Can you help me with it?MUM: (feeling irritated) Shut up!AKPOS: Thanks mum. Akpos passes by the living room when he hears his big brother yell, "Superman!". He takes it as his second word. As night approaches, Akpos takes a walk, he passes in front of a classy restaurant, then he hears a man say, "Ladies first". He takes it as his third word/phrase. Akpos goes to school the next day and the teacher asks what his words are...AKPOS: Shut up!TEACHER: Who do you think you are...?AKPOS: Superman!TEACHER: Let's go to the headteacher's office now!AKPOS: Ladies first.
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Killer Son

AKPOS: Dad, do you remember that day I killed a butterfly and you said no butter for a month?DAD: Yeah. AKPOS: Dad do you also remember that day I killed a honey bee and You said no Honey for a month?DAD: Yeah. AKPOS: Well, mummy just killed A cockroach, what should I tell her?
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Somersaulted Car

A woman giving a testimony on how she survived an accident claimed that the car somersaulted 17 times. Akpos who was who in the congregation stood up and said; 
AKPOS: Madam, so of all things to do, you were busy counting how many times the car somersaulted?
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Popular Jokes 16

Two engineering students meet on campus one day. The first engineer calls out
to the other, "Hey Nice bike! Where did you get it?"
"Well," replies the other, "I was walking to class the other day when this
pretty, young coed rides up on this bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her
clothes, and says 'You can have anything you want!!'"
"Good choice," says the first, "her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway."
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The Interview

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of rsums he found four people who were equally qualified. An American, an Indian, a European and a Nigerian. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answers would determine which of them would get the job. The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked:"What is the fastest thing you know of?"The American on his right replied, " A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way, it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of" "That's very good!" replied the interviewer. "And now you sir?" He asked the Indian. "Hmm... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of." "Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye. That's a very popular clinch for speed."He then turned to the European who was contemplating his reply. "Well, on my dad's farm, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the field, the light in the barn comes on in less than a second. TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of. The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light," He said. Turning to the Nigerian, the interviewer posed the same question. He replied, "It's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHOEA." "WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response. "I can explain." Said the man. "You see the other day I wasn't feeling so good and I ran to the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already poohed in my pants!"HE GOT THE JOB!
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Painful Moments II

Which one is the most painful?

1. Studying for 7 years in a University, then stay home for 10 years unemployed!2. Raise a child for 20 years, then find out he/she is not yours!
3. Work hard for the whole month, then go to the ATM and get robbed!
4. Going to school for 11months, then get your report written failed...
5. Being faithful to the person you call your Soulmate, then in return, you get AIDS!
6. Study for the whole night for a test, then fail the test.
7. Being in a very good relationship with someone and then end up marrying someone else.
8. You're downloading a video of 5gb and when it reaches 98% your phone dies!
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Two girls were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says,?Why are you arguing?? One girl answers, ?We found a ten dollar and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.? ?You should be ashamed of yourselves,? said the teacher,?When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was.? The girls gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
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Alphabetical Order

A pilot announced, "Ladies & Gentlemen, the plane is losing altitude and all the baggages must be thrown out."A little later, the pilot says, "We're still losing altitude, we must throw anything out that is in the cabin."The plane continues it's descent despite more things being thrown out. The pilot announced again, "Still going down, we must throw out some people"There's a big gasp from the passengers! Then the pilot said, "But to make this fair, passengers will be thrown out in alphabetical order. So A, any Africans on board?" No one moves."B, any Blacks on board?" No one moves."C, any Coloureds on board?" Still no one moves."D, any Darkies?"A little black Nigerian boy asks his dad, "Dad, what are we?"His Dad replied, "Tonight son, we are Zombies"
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