Relationships Jokes 5

There were three brothers who bought a three story house. The eldest brother had the top floor, the middle had the middle floor, and the youngest got the bottom floor. A little while after they moved in, the eldest brother brought over his girlfriend. During that night, the two younger brothers heard the following sounds: Click, swish, fftt, ahhh. The next morning, the younger brothers asked their brother what the noise they'd heard last night was. He replied, "Click-turned off the light. Swish-ran across the room. Fftt-farted, and Ahhh-landed on my girl."The middle brother was excited by that, so he brought over his girlfriend the next night. During that night, the two other brothers heard the following sounds: Click, swish, fftt, ahhh. The eldest and youngest asked him what the noise in his room last night was. He replied, "Click- turned off the light. Swish-ran across the room. Fftt-farted, and Ahhh-landed on my girl."Now, the youngest brother was really excited. So he brought over his girlfriend, and that night, the older brothers heard the following sounds: Click, swish, fftt, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!In the morning, the older brothers asked him what the noise in his room was. So, he said, "Click-turned off the light. Swish-ran across the room. Fftt-farted, and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-landed on the bedpost!
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Two men are talking. The first sez, "I got married because I was tired   of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and wearing   shabby clothes."      "Amazing," said the second, "I just got divorced for the very same   reasons."
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Hubby - You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why? Wife - When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears. Hubby - You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you? Wife - Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
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Why are women like snow flakes??          They are all beautiful.         They are all different.         They can all be cold as ice.         But they'll all melt when they land on your face......
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A policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot over looking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. Inside there was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat calmly knitting. He stopped to investigate. He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The young man looked up, obligingly cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, Officer?""What are you doing?" the policeman asked."What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading this magazine."Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?"The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "I think she's knitting a sweater."Confused, the officer asked, "How old are you, young man?""I'm nineteen," he replied."And how old is she?" asked the officer. The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be eighteen."
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School Jokes 5

This guy went to school and he asked  "May I use the bathroom?"  The teacher replied, " no not unless you say your abcs."  The guy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."  The teacher asked "Wheres the p?  He replied, " running down my leg!"
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Teacher: If I lay one egg here and another there, how many eggs will there be?   Fred: None!   Fred (surprised): Why not?   Fred: Because you cant lay eggs!
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Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card."   Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
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Teacher: “Suppose there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence.   How many would be left?”  Boy: “None.”  Teacher: “None? You don’t know your arithmetic!”  Boy: “Teacher, you don’t know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!”
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The teacher said to Danny: "Why are you in the floor?"  Danny said: "Because you said to do this Math problem without Tables."
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School Jokes 4

One night 4 MBA students were outing till late night and didn`t study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.   In the morning they thought of a plan.   They made themselves look as dirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt.   They then went up to the dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.    Then dean was a just person so he said that you can have the retest after 3 days.   They said they will be ready by that time.   On the third day they appeared before the dean.   The dean said that this was a special condition test.    All four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test.   They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last three days.   The test consisted of 2 questions with total of 100 marks:  Q.1. Write down your name –(2 marks)  Q.2. Which tyre burst — (98 marks)
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Teacher: If you eat fish?  Student: Its good for my eyes.  Teacher: If you don't eat fish?  Student: Its good for the fish!
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Teacher: Did you father help your with your homework?   Student: No, he did it all by himself.
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Teacher: "Ramu, you talk a lot !"  Ramu: "Its a family tradition".  Teacher: "What do you mean?"  Ramu: "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".  Teacher: "What about your mother?"  Ramu: "She's a woman".
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Mom: What did you do at school today?  Mark: We did a guessing game.  Mom: But I thought you were having a math exam.  Mark: That’s right!
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