Popular Jokes 6

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:

* Compliment her
* cuddle her
* kiss her
* caress her
* love her
* stroke her
* tease her
* comfort her
* protect her
* hug her
* hold her
* spend money on her
* wine & dine her
* buy things for her
* listen to her
* care for her
* stand by her
* support her
* go to the ends of the earth for her....

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:

* Show up naked.
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Mirror Girl

The best way to kill a lady is to buy her a golden watch, expensive clothes, bangles, shoes, make ups and trousers then lock her up in a room without a mirror.
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Best Job Ever

I asked a friend of mine what he is doing. He told me, he is working on, "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum and steel under a constrained environment".

I was impressed! On further asking, I learnt that he was washing dishes with hot water... under his wife's supervision!
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National Lottery Draw

A pastor was praying for a demon-possessed man. He shouted, "In the name of Jesus, what do you want from this Man?! Speak! Before I cast you out into the lake of fire! The demon in the man said, "I want him to win the National Lottery Draw worth 200million naira tonight." The pastor subtly lowered the microphone and whispered, "Get out of him and enter into me."
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A man walks into a pet shop and says to the owner. "Ok I want to buy a pet, but I don't want a boring normal pet, no cats, or dogs or budgies I want something different." The pet shop owner informs him that he has a talking centipede. "really?" Says the man "How much?" The owner informs him that the talking centipede is ??50. Happy with the unusual offering the man pays the money and takes his new pet home.

On getting home he lays the match box with the centipede in it on the table, opens it and says "Hello mr centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?" The centipede says nothing. Figuring it must be tired from the journey he decides to leave it for an hour and try again later.

An hour later he opens the match box and says "Hello mr centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?" The centipede again says nothing. Starting to get suspicious the man decides he will give it one more hour, and if the centipede doesn't talk he will take it back to the shop for a refund.

An hour later the man opens the match box and says "Hello mr centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?" The centipede says "I heard you the first time you moron! I'm putting my shoes on!"
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Popular Jokes 5

When words are not enough….
To express your feelings….
Dont think you’re in LOVE….
You just need to join… ENGLISH
SPEAKING
COURSE
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Big People Words

A group of kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to the

first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher

insisted on no baby talk.

"You need to use 'big people' words," she'd always remind them.

She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. "I went to visit

my Nana."

"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!"

She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a

choo-choo."

She said, "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. Use big people words."

She then asked Bobby what he had done. "I read a book," he replied.

"That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?"

Bobby thought about it, then puffed out his little chest with great

pride and said, "Winnie the Shit."
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Fact of our life:
Whenever we find the key 2 success,
Some idiots change the locks..
So,4get the key. Learn to BREAK da doors!
Keep rocking!! ;^>
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Definition for Human being: A creature that cuts trees ,makes papers and writes
“SAVE TREES”
on it..!!!
Funny people…..!!!!!!
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Popular Jokes 4

In the time of the prophet

An Arab Man stops a taxi, entered it and said "Please turn off the radio for in the time of the prophet, there was no radio and my religion decreed that I should not listen to it especially the western music.This is because they sing of their infidelity and all."The Taxi Driver turned off the radio, came down and opened the door for the man and said, "In the time of the prophets, there was no car. So please come down and wait for a camel."One word for the taxi Driver.
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Vib rator-in-Law

A woman passed her daughter's room and heard a strange buzzing noise. Opening the door, she saw her daughter with a vib rator. Shocked, she asked why?

The daughter replied, "mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is as close as I'll ever get to a husband. So please, leave me alone."

Next day, the father heard the same buzz and upon entering, he also saw the same scene. To his query, the daughter again said, "dad I"m thirty-five, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, leave me alone."

A couple days later, the wife came home from shopping and heard that buzzing noise coming from, the living room. On entering she saw her husband sitting on the couch, downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV. The vib rator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.

The wife asked, "what the f#*k are you doing?"

The husband replied, "I'm watching football with my son-in-law."
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A policeman stops two drunks and asks one, Where do you live?  Nowhere, the first drunk replied.  And where do you live?, he asks the other.  We're neighbours.
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5 things American Movies Teach Us:

1. Chinese have nothing better to do than teaching or practice Kung Fu.

2. More than 50% of U.S. population are FBI/CIA agents, working undercover.

3. The purpose of school system of U.S. is to promote Basketball/Baseball.

4. Aliens have special interest in attacking the U.S.

5. U.S. is a place where you can meet all mythical creatures like werewolves & vampires.

5 things Indian Movies teach us:
1. At least one of the identical twins is born evil.

2. While defusing a bomb, don't worry, whichever wire you cut... you always choose the right one.

3. A hero will show no pain while getting beaten up; but will show pain when a girl cleans up his wounds.

4. A detective can solve a case only when he is suspended from duty.
The most hilarious one...

5. If you decide to start dancing on the street, everyone you meet will know the steps.
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