Funny Quotes Jokes 11

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. -W. C. Fields
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Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. -Mark Twain
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A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones that need the advice. -Bill Cosby
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If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth. -Logan Pearsall Smith
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When someone says “Can I ask you a question?” they didn’t really give you a choice. -Unknown
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Funny Quotes Jokes 10

I did not slap you, I simply high fived your face! -Unknown
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When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane. -Steven Wright
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I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food. -Robert Orben
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Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? -Unknown
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As I said before, I never repeat myself. -Unknown
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Funny Quotes Jokes 9

If the stuff that comes out of my mouth upsets you, just think of all the things I keep to myself. -Unknown
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I hate it when I look horrible in a group photo and the person who looks good refuses to delete it. -Unknown
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Elephant

The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an “E”. One boy says, “Elephant.”
Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a “T”. The same boy says, “Two elephants.”
The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behavior. After that she asks for an animal beginning with “M”.
The boy shouts from the other side of the wall: “Maybe an elephant!”
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I’m proud of myself I finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months, and the box said 2-4 years! -Unknown
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I only drink alchohol on days that end in y... -Unknown
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