You're Next
I always hated weddings because the elderly would come over and poke me saying "You're next." They stopped doing it when I started doing it to them at funerals.
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Birthday Party II
I attended a birthday party with a gathering of about 30 people. I sat at the front seat. A lady started distributing food. She started from the back and unfortunately, it didn't get to us sitting at the front.Another lady started sharing the drinks, she started from the front but unfortunately I had already moved to sit at the back. Again the drink didn't get to me.I was so furious that I stood up to take my leave but then I saw three ladies each with a big bowl. This time, I tried to be wise by sitting at the middle. One of the ladies started the sharing from the front, the second lady started distributing from the back. The two ladies were sharing fried turkey.When they got to the middle where I was seated, it got finished again! Feeling so frustrated, I bent my head, putting my face in my hands... but then the third lady tapped me and stretched her bowl for me to pick. I stretched and put my hands inside the bowl... Guess what was in the bowl?Toothpicks.
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All Smiles
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on
their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to
his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner.
"Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand dollars on the lottery,
spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one.
Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"Thought he was having his picture taken."
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Boy to girl before exam: Hey all d best Girl: All da best to u too
.
But girl scored 80 marks & boy failed
. . .
Moral: Only boys wish with true heart.. ;-)
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Funny African Proverbs
When a man is stung by a bee, he does not destroy all beehives- Kenya ProverbIt is only a stupid cow that rejoices at the prospect of being taken to a beautiful abattoir - Zambian ProverbNo matter how far an eagle flies up the sky, it will definitely come down to look for food - Zimbabwe ProverbAn army of sheep led by a lion can defeat an army of lions led by a sheep. - Ghanaian proverbThe anus doesn't teach the mouth the sweetness of food - South-African ProverbThe man who marries a beautiful woman, and the farmer who grows corn by the roadside have the same problem- Ethiopian ProverbA short man is not a boy- Nigerian ProverbNo matter how hot your anger is, it cannot cook yams- Nigerian ProverbIt requires a lot of carefulness to kill the fly that perches on the scrotum- Ghanaian ProverbIf the throat can grant passage to a knife, the anus should wonder how to expel it -South-African ProverbThe frown on the face of the goat will not stop it from being taken to the market - Nigerian ProverbAn old lady feels uneasy when dry bones are mentioned in a proverb - Ghanaian ProverbThe same sun that melts the wax, hardens the clay - Nigerien ProverbIf you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there - Ugandan ProverbThere is no virgin in a maternity ward- Cameroonian ProverbThe madman, who throws a stone into a crowded market, forgets that his own mother could be hit by his madness. - Ugandan ProverbA child can play with its mother's breasts, but not its father's testicles - Guinean ProverbHe who goes to sleep with an itching anus wakes up with smelly fingers - Nigerian ProverbYou can add more funny Proverbs in the comment box below to continue the fun.
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