Dirty Jokes 7

Daughter: Dad, this guy told me the sweetest thing ever.  Me: Whats that hunny?  Daughter: He said I had nice bumper lights, and a nice trunk.  Me: Tell that niggie if he fills up your gas tank, Ill break his exhaust pipe, ya dig?
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Their was a camel and elephant, the elephant said to the camel.  "How come you have your t*ts on your back?" and the camel got offended so he told the elephant.  "Well why do you have your d*ck on your face?"
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In a second grade class, a little girl asks, "Teacher, can my Mommy get pregnant?", "How old is your mother, dear?" asks the teacher. "Forty." she replies. "Yes, dear, your mother could get pregnant." The little girl then asks, "Can my big sister get pregnant?" "Well, dear, how old is your sister?" The little girl answers, "Nineteen." "Oh yes, dear, your sister certainly could get pregnant." The little girl then asks, "Can I get pregnant?" "How old are you, dear?" The little girl answers, "I'm seven years old." "No, dear, you can't get pregnant..." Then, the little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says, "See, I told you we had nothing to worry about."
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Teacher: "Can you tell the name of 3 great Kings who have brought happpines and peace into people lives?"  Student: " Smo-king", Drin-king and Fuc-king"
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A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs.   She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.  Her mom calmly said: "That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair." the girl smiled.  At dinner, she told her sister: "My monkey has grown hair."  Her sister smiled and said: "That’s nothing, mine is already eating bananas."
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Dirty Jokes 6

Guy: Can I buy you a drink?  Girl: Sorry, but alcohol is bad for my legs.  Guy: Do they swell?  Girl: No. They spread.
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Whos the biggest prostitute in history? ¨  Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.
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While watching TV with his wife, a man tosses peanuts into the air and catches them in his mouth.   Just as he throws another peanut into the air, the front door opens, causing him to turn his head.   The peanut falls into his ear and gets stuck.  His daughter comes in with her date.   The man explains the situation, and the daughters date says, "I can get the peanut out."  He tells the father to sit down, shoves two fingers into the fathers nose, and tells him to blow hard.   The father blows, and the peanut flies out of his ear.  After the daughter takes her date to the kitchen for something to eat, the mother turns to the father and says, "Isnt he smart? I wonder what he plans to be."  The father says, "From the smell of his fingers, Id say our son-in-law."
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Whilst enjoying a drink with a buddy one night, this guy decides to try his luck with an attractive young girl sitting alone by the bar. To his surprise, she asks him to join her for a drink and eventually asks him if he'd like to come back to her place. The pair jump into a taxi and go back to her place.

Later, the young man pulls out a cigarette from his jeans and searches for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asks the girl if she has one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replies. Opening the drawer of the bedside table, he finds a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy begins to worry.

"Is this your husband?" he inquires nervously. "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" "No, don't be silly," she says, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demands the bewildered fellow. Calmly, the girl takes a match, strikes it across the side of her face and replies, "That's me before the operation."
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Dirty Jokes 5

What did the Left Nut say to the right nut?  Dont talk to the guy in the middle hes a d*ck!...
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Two eggs boiling in a pan.  One says, "Ive got a huge crack."  The other replies, "Stop teasing me, Im not f*cking hard yet."
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Who is Jack Schitt you ask? The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says " you don't know jack schitt." Now you can intellectually handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O Schitt, the owner of kneedeep N. Schitt, Inc. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt,Giva Schitt,Bull Schitt, and the twins, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' wishes, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.

Noe Schitt later married Mr. Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt.

Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout their childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. Thewedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg,Byrd, and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son left home to tour the world, and recently returned from Italy with his new bride, Pisa Schitt.

So now when someone says, "you don't know Jack Schitt", you can correct them.
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A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm.   He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the pig Ive been f*cking."   His wife says, "Thats a duck."   He quickly replies, "I wasnt talking to you."...
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