Popular Jokes 15

Mathematics Burial

Chemistry and his brother Physics, with deep sorrow, announce the death of their father, Mathematics,n who died in a serious calculation on blackboard road, off chalk avenue.Agriculture has promised to provide land for the burial while Woodwork and Fine Art will make and decorate the coffin respectively. Entrepreneurship and his wife Commerce have pledged to provide food and transport for the mourners.CRK will pray for the soul of the departed. History and her friend Geography will narrate the life story of the late Mr Mathematics to the mourners.English will be the master of ceremony and Biology will tell the mourners the disease that killed the late Mr Mathematics."I must sue his dead body for the money he borrowed from me." says Account.
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Mathematical Love letter

I discovered a letter written by one of the maths students to a girl at a secondary school. Here is what the guy wrote...Dear Cynthia,With reference to the syllabus of my feelings, I want to prove that the locus of my point is directly proportional to your heart. On seeing you, I feel like a triangle with only 2 angles, the third one being you. At times I feel like a circle without a circumference and a tangent without a gradient. We are like two simultaneous equations without solutions. You never seem to notice that I am a point lying at your linear equation. Your smile make my mind rotate 360 degrees anticlockwise and applying a translation, I finally get your image. You are factors of a quadratic equation but still feel two disjoint sets. You are the hypotenuse of my right angled triangle and on using either sine or cosine, we can obtain a real solution. I tried to deal with you on a calculator version but the probability of success is very low. My letter consists of only one section to be answered without a calculator and the answer is to be given "Yes" in three significant figures. My life without you is like coordinates of a quadratic turning point. My love for you is infinite like the graph of Tan 90 and Tan 270 degrees. Your MathematicalXxxx
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Weather Man

It was two o'clock in the morning and a husband and wife were asleep, when suddenly the phone rang. The husband picked up the phone and said, "Hello?... How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?" -- and promptly slammed the phone down. His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?"The husband replies, "I don't know. Some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear."
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Two Thieves

The President and his wife, visited a catholic church in Abuja. In honour of their visitation, the church decided to keep  blown up pictures of both of them beside the Crucifix (Jesus on the Cross), one on each side. On getting to church, the President's wife saw the pictures on the altar and she got annoyed, the President noticed and asked, "Patience, what is the matter?"She answered, "Can't you see our pictures on the altar beside Jesus?, It signifies Jesus Christ and the Two THIEVES!"
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Clash Of The Teachers

Two teachers were arguing in the class and the students were watching. Others teachers were trooping in one after the other to join in the feisty argument ENGLISH TEACHER: What a pugnacious and combatant fight! Teachers manoeuvring themselves in the presence of their pupils.
CHEMISTRY TEACHER: Stop this now or Ill balance your equation with acid and base.
MATHS TEACHER: Please! Please!... Stop, before I divide and subtract your names from our teachers list.
CRK TEACHER: Oh God of Nazareth, forgive them cause they do not know what they are doing.
ECONOMICS TEACHER: What a human behaviour, Ill draw a scale of preference to know who's at fault. MUSIC TEACHER: Stop both of you lack voices to win an argument, your phonetic is voiceless, your treble and your auto lack vocal sound.
HISTORY TEACHER: Ill compare this fight with that of fight between the Greeks and the Persians in 245 AD. BIOLOGY TEACHER: What a shame between these two species of Homo sapiens. The knot of your Medula Oblongata is loosing. I must get a Spanner to stop this Osmosis.
Comment below on which Teacher nailed it.
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