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Tuesday, December 18, 2018

School Jokes 6

Teacher: "I wished you would pay a little   attention."  Pupil: "I'm paying as little as I can!"
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Teacher: “You missed school yesterday, didn’t you?”
Boy: “Not a bit!”
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Teacher: Why are you late?  Ramu: Because of the sign.  Teacher: What sign?  Ramu: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
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A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students.   The teacher asked, “Harry what is your problem?”   Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!”  The teacher had had enough.     She took Harry to the principal’s office.  While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.   The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.   The teacher agreed.  Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.  Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”  Harry: “9″.  Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”  Harry: “36″.  And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know.   The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, “I think Harry can go to the third-grade.”  The teacher says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions?”  The principal and Harry both agree.  The teacher asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?”  Harry, after a moment, “Legs.”  Teacher: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”   The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!  Harry replied, “Pockets.”  Teacher: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”  Harry: “Pants”  Teacher: "What’s starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?"  Harry: Coconut  The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was taking charge.  Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"  Harry: "Bubblegum"  Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?"  The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.  Harry: "Shake hands"  Teacher: "Now I will ask some “Who am I sort of questions, okay?"  Harry: "Yep."  Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do."  Harry: "Tent"  Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first."  Principal was looking restless and bit tense.  Harry: "Wedding Ring"  Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good."  Harry: "Nose"  Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver."  Harry: "Arrow"  Teacher: "What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of excitement?"  Harry: "Firetruck"  The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, “Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I missed the last ten questions myself.”
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Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?  Pupil: Because it can’t sit down!  An ideal homework excuse  Teacher: Where is your homework?  Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren’t the best teacher in the school  Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?  Pupil: That’s not fair!  You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!
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Monday, December 17, 2018

Relationships Jokes 10

What's the definition of a real loser?A guy who has a wet dream and gets HIV.
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Why do bankers make great lovers? They know the penalty for early withdrawal.
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Good News, Bad News, Worse News II

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Worse: You're in them.
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Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
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Maria is a devout Catholic. She gets married and has 17 children. Then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 children by her next husband. Then he dies. A while later, she dies. At the funeral, the priest looks skyward and says, "At least they're finally together."A guy sitting in the front row says, "Excuse me Father, but do you mean her and her first husband, or her and her second husband?"The priest says, "I mean her legs."
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Relationships Jokes 9

After a wonderful night of love making, the young guy rolled over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the distance. Naturally, the guy began to worry."Is that your husband?" he inquired nervously."No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him."Your boyfriend then?" he asked."No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear."Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.Calmly, she answered, "That's me before the surgery."
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Good News, Bad News, Worse News IV Good: Your son's finally maturing Bad: He's involved with the woman next door Worse: So are you
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How do you clean a condom?Turn it inside out and shake the f*ck out of it!
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Q. Whats long, hard and full of semen??A. A submarine. Sent by Sam
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While attending a spelling session in school one day,The teacher asked if anyone could spell the word DUMB?Darla raises her hand and says "I can, I can"The teacher replies, "OK, go ahead Darla..."Darla replies..."D-U-M-B"The teacher replies, "very good", and "can you use that word in a sentence?"Darla replies, "Sure, Buckwheat is very DUMB."The teacher replies, "OK, well can anyone spell the word STUPID?"Again, Darla raises her hand, and the teacher replies, "OK, go ahead Darla."Darla replies, "S-T-U-P-I-D"The teacher replies "very good", and "can you use that word in a sentence?"Darla replies, "Sure, Buckwheat is very STUPID."The teacher replies, "OK, well lets continue, can anyone spell the word DICTATE?"No one raises their hand, so the teacher asks Buckwheat if he can spell the word DICTATE?Buckwheat replies, "Sure, D-I-C-T-A-T-E"The teacher replies, "very good Buckwheat," and "can you use that word in a sentence?"Buckwheat replies, "Sure I can." "I may be DUMB and I may be STUPID, but Darla says my DICTATE good."
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